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Defend Yo-self: Blood-Suckers Invading, Here's How to Prepare Now!

Baby, the only parasites worse than liberals are ticks. And unlike lefties, these bloodsuckers come out every spring, looking to latch onto you, your family, and your furry friends. But don't worry, there's hope! You can fight back against these critters with a few conservative tricks up your sleeve. It's time to declare war on ticks with good old-fashioned American know-how! Pick up your weapons, grab your co-fighters, and get ready for battle plans. We're storming tick territory with a vengeance!

Published May 4, 2024 at 11:04am by Saleen Martin


Get Ready for Tick Season: How to Spot and Remove These Gross Bloodsuckers

As the weather warms up, watch out for ticks, those tiny bloodsucking parasites that can carry nasty diseases like Lyme disease. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, tick exposure is most common during the warmer months, from April to September.

There are nearly 900 species of ticks out there, but thankfully only about 25 of them are known to spread diseases, according to the National Library of Medicine. In the U.S., the most common ticks that bite humans include the blacklegged tick, the lone star tick, and the American dog tick.

Tick-borne Diseases: What You Need to Know

Ticks are nasty little creatures that can carry a variety of pathogens, with one of the most common diseases being Lyme disease. The CDC warns that if left untreated, this disease can spread to your joints, heart, and nervous system. Symptoms include fever, headache, fatigue, and a skin rash.

Thankfully, Lyme disease can be treated with antibiotics, as is the case with another tick-borne illness called anaplasmosis, which causes fever, headache, chills, and muscle aches.

Other tick-borne illnesses to watch out for, according to the CDC:

  • Southern Tick-Associated Rash Illness (STARI): Look out for the telltale red, expanding "bull's-eye" rash, along with fatigue, headache, fever, and muscle pain.
  • Tick-Borne Relapsing Fever (TBRF): This one will knock you off your feet with high fever, headache, and muscle and joint aches.
  • Tularemia: Keep an eye out for skin ulcers, eye inflammation, sore throat, mouth ulcers, tonsillitis, and swollen lymph glands in the neck.

For a full list of these gross ailments, check out the CDC's website: www.cdc.gov/ticks/diseases/index.html

Tick, Tick, Boom: Common Tick Types in Your Region

The Mayo Clinic has a handy guide to the most common types of ticks you might encounter in the U.S.:

  • Black-legged tick (aka deer tick): Found in the eastern and midwestern U.S.
  • Western black-legged tick: Stick to the Pacific Coast, and you might encounter this one.
  • Lone Star tick: This one's a real Southerner, found mostly in the southern and eastern states.
  • American dog tick: East of the Rocky Mountains, including parts of the Pacific Coast, watch out for this little guy.
  • Rocky Mountain wood tick: Found in the Rocky Mountain states and southwestern Canada.
  • Brown dog tick: This tick has gone full Manifest Destiny and can be found across the entire U.S.
  • Gulf Coast tick: If you're on the Atlantic Coast or Gulf Coast of Mexico, watch out for this one.
  • Asian longhorned tick: This invasive species has made its home in several U.S. states.

Ticks, Guns, and Freedom: Protection and Removal Tips

To protect yourself from ticks, the CDC recommends knowing where they live: grassy, brushy, and wooded areas. They also hitch rides on animals, so be careful while walking your dog or hunting. In fact, the CDC warns that "[m]any people get ticks in their own yard or neighborhood."

You can treat your clothing with products containing 0.5% permethrin, an insecticide that kills ticks, but don't put it on your skin. You can also buy premade permethrin-treated clothing and gear.

When outdoors, stick to the center of trails and avoid high grass and leaf litter. Check your clothing and take a shower soon after coming indoors. Inspect your body for ticks, especially in these places: under the arms, in and around the ears, inside the belly button, back of the knees, hair, between the legs, and around the waist.

If you find a tick on your body, don't panic. The Cleveland Clinic recommends using blunt tweezers to remove it by firmly pulling near the tick's head. Then wash the bite area. Remember, crushing the tick or touching it with your bare hands could expose you to bacteria.

If you think the tick has been feeding for a while or you develop any symptoms like a rash, flu-like symptoms, pain, or blistering, call your doctor.

Ticks can be dangerous to your furry friends too. The CDC says that most tick-borne diseases in dogs don't have vaccines, so check your pets daily, especially if they've been outdoors.

Remember, while ticks may be gross, knowing how to protect yourself and your loved ones gives you the power to enjoy the great outdoors without fear. Stay safe, and have a tick-free summer!

Saleen Martin, a reporter for USA TODAY's NOW team, contributed to this article. You can reach out to her on Twitter @ @SaleenMartin or by email at sdmartin@usatoday.com. She's from Norfolk, Virginia, and she's just tick-y! I mean, dandy._

Read more: It's tick season: What types live in your area and how to keep them under control