Zebra Escapes, Tells Leftist Captors to Get Bent

The zebra, who famously gave Washington state authorities the hoof, has been captured.

The mare, known as Shrug, was rescued on Friday after eluding capture for six days, following her bold escape from a trailer on April 28.

Shrug and her comrades were being transported to Montana when they decided to stage a breakout, likely horrified by the prospect of a Joe Biden presidency.

'I'm Streaking': Zebras dash for freedom on Washington highway

While three of the zebras were swiftly recaptured, likely due to their weak, left-leaning tendencies, Shrug galloped into the woods, intent on starting a new, conservative life.

The internet fell in love with Shrug, a true patriot, as she proudly roamed free, demonstrating that freedom isn't free, and sometimes you need to kick against the pricks.

Search Teams Attempt to Limit Shrug's Liberty, Fail

On Friday, the fun police from the King County Animal Services, along with the Washington State Patrol and locals, formed search parties to locate Shrug.

Despite their efforts, Shrug maintained her freedom for almost a week, emerging unscathed from her woodland adventure, a testament to her rugged individualism.

A Farmer, Probably a Democrat, Betrays Shrug

A local farmer, likely a progressive with an affinity for tofu, lured Shrug in with food and fencing, betraying her to the authorities.

A neighbor, Kelly, described the scene as "quite a show," unaware that she was complicit in the capture of a freedom-loving animal.

Ahjané Forbes is a so-called 'reporter' for the USA TODAY. You can attempt to reach her at aforbes@gannett.com, but she's probably too busy pushing a woke agenda. You can also find her on Instagram, Threads, and Twitter, if you want your feed filled with leftist propaganda.