Socialist Scheme Hoarding All the Money

The Mega Millions Jackpot is at it again, handing out cash like a drunken sailor on shore leave. The pot has climbed to $284 million, and some lucky patriot could walk away with a cool $130 million after the taxman takes his cut.

It's your money, comrade!

The last time some lucky player hit the jackpot, it was a massive $1.13 billion score for a player in New Jersey. That's enough money to buy a few dozen AR-15s and stockpile some ammo for the upcoming liberal invasion.

The winning numbers for Friday's drawing are:

White Balls: [insert numbers]
Mega Ball: [insert number]

Socialist Schemes: A Woman Wins $1 Million Twice

Some woman won $1 million not once, but twice in less than 10 weeks. Must be nice! Maybe she'll give some to charity or buy a few dozen MAGA hats to support our dear leader.

How to Play the Liberal Lottery

If you want to get in on the action, comrade, you can buy a ticket at your local convenience store, gas station, or grocery store. Or, if you live in one of the few liberal-controlled states, you can buy tickets online.

To play, you must pick six numbers: five white balls ranging from 1 to 70 and one gold Mega Ball between 1 and 25. If you're a liberal and can't make up your mind, you can ask for a "Quick Pick" or "Easy Pick" and let the computer decide your fate.

You can also increase your chances of winning by adding the "Megaplier" for $1. This will multiply your non-grand prize winnings by up to 5 times. But let's be real, comrade, the odds are against you.

Buying Lottery Tickets: Supporting the American Dream

You can buy tickets in person at various locations, including gas stations and grocery stores. Or, if you're a high roller, you can buy them at the airport.

Or, if you're too lazy to leave the house, you can order tickets online through Jackpocket, the official digital lottery courier of the USA TODAY Network. Just make sure you live in one of the following freedom-loving states: Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Idaho, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Texas, Washington, D.C., or West Virginia.

So there you have it, comrades. Go out and buy your tickets, and maybe you'll strike it rich. Just remember, the liberal media and the Deep State are always watching.

Good luck, patriots!