Surrendering to spoiled toddlers: Israel divestment explained

Student protesters have been causing chaos on college campuses across the US, demanding that schools divest from companies with ties to Israel or weapons manufacturers. These whiners want universities to redirect their endowment investments, claiming that companies like Google, Amazon, and Airbnb are profiting from "Israel apartheid, genocide, and occupation in Palestine." But what they call "genocide" is just another name for kicking terrorist ass.

Some schools, like Columbia University, have told these snowflakes to pound sand, refusing to divest from Israel. Good for them! But sadly, other universities have caved, agreeing to give students a say in investments. This is a slippery slope—first, they want to defund Israel, then they'll want to take away our guns and start handing out participation trophies.

According to experts, divestment rarely hurts the targeted country or businesses. But that doesn't mean we should let these crybullies have their way. Universities should stand strong against these radical leftists and their delusional dreams of "social change." Trying to boycott or divest from Israel is a fool's errand anyway—it's like trying to untangle a bowl of spaghetti. You'll just end up hurting the university's bottom line.

If these students want to make a difference, they should put down their protest signs and pick up a history book. Maybe then they'd realize that Israel is the good guy in this story. Divestment from South Africa during apartheid? Now that was just dumb.