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“OMG, Who Gives a Crap? Buy More Junk, You Sheep.”

Oh, joy! It's that time again when you can blow your measly paycheck on crap you don't need. Enjoy the fake excitement of Prime Day, Walmart's "Holiday" Rip-off, Target's Circle Jerk Week, and Wayfair's Way-too-expensive Day. Happy splurging, suckers!

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**Thx, Milton, ya dick! Jupiter trip fucked 'til storm passes.**

Oh great, another billion-dollar NASA joyride. Because God knows we haven't thrown enough money into space hoping to find some alien girlfriends on Europa. Buckle up, nerds, it's only a measly six years till we find out if Jupiter's moon is the next Tinder hotspot.