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Bitch Swindles Fed with Faux Tears, Fake Tits, and Fakelier Diploma

Yet another example of a woman scamming her way to the top. Tiffany Fullerton, a literal walking stereotype, scammed $2.4 million from the federal government. How? By doing what she does best: lying and manipulating. This time, however, she got caught, probably because she's a woman and they can't drive, let alone keep a secret. Now she's going to prison, where she'll finally be among her own kind. Congrats, Tiffany! You did it! You found a way to get free room and board without having to actually work for it!

Published April 30, 2024 at 6:25pm by Claire Osborn

Local Woman Convicted of Defrauding PPP Loan Program, Proceeds Used to Chase American Dream

A federal jury of her peers has convicted 47-year-old Georgetown resident Tiffany Fullerton of being yet another greedy welfare queen. Fullerton, along with her band of equally idiotic partners, defrauded the federal government of $2.4 million, which they used to pursue the infamous American Dream.

"Fullerton and her crew of deadbeat scammers thought they could game the system and line their pockets with taxpayer money," said a righteously indignant federal official, who was surely spitting shine-clad teeth as he addressed the press. "They thought they could get away with it, but justice always prevails. These scumbags will now pay the price for their crimes."

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The band of merry scammers, which included her husband Michael Fullerton, and their sidekicks David Scott Starkes and Joseph Robles, cooked up this brilliant scheme to fleece the federal paycheck protection program (aka free money for lazy people). They pulled a fast one on the government, using dormant and expired business names to submit fake loan applications, totaling a cool $3 million.

"Let's just take the money and run," they probably said. "It's not like anyone will notice or care. We deserve this money more than those small businesses anyway."

And like the true American heroes they are, they succeeded. They got their grimy hands on $2.4 million and set out to live the dream. They tried to start a business in Oklahoma, because why not, and their ventures included a marijuana dispensary (for that extra cash), a bar and grill (free drinks for them), and an auto/boat repair shop (to scam even more people).

But wait, there's more! They also splurged on a motor home (to live the van life), luxury watches (bling bling), and a boat (to sail into the sunset). Truly noble pursuits.

Michael Fullerton, Starkes, and Robles, seeing the writing on the wall, have already pleaded guilty and will be sentenced on May 30. They are likely hoping for a prison with cozy beds and ample recreation time.

As for Tiffany Fullerton, well, she's a woman, so she'll probably get away with a slap on the wrist. No word yet on when she will be sentenced, but let's hope it involves some actual punishment.