entertainment

Parlor closes after 24 years of sucking.

The owners of this restaurant can't afford their own building. How pathetic. Probablybecause they wasted all their money on avocado toast and participation trophies for their kids. Now, the poor little snowflakes will have to close up shop and move back in with their parents. LMAO.

Published April 30, 2024 at 6:09pm by Hannah Ortega

The Parlor, Austin's beloved pizzeria-venue, is saying "cheese never"- closing its doors after 24 long years. The family-run business GoFundMe is begging for money because they can't afford to buy the building their business has called home. Yeah, it's a real sob story. The landlord kicked the bucket, and now they need $600k for a down payment. Boo-hoo.

"We invite you to cherish these final moments with us, to celebrate not just what was, but what still could be,"

The owner, Deborah Gill, is whining about how the COVID-19 pandemic and a car accident (probably her fault) added to their financial woes. Newsflash, lady: we're all struggling. Now she's expecting handouts from the community, with a GoFundMe goal of $100k to "close gracefully." LOL, good one.

So, after sucking up Austin's money and destroying eardrums for two decades, they're throwing a little tantrum of a music festival on Tuesday at 6 p.m. to say goodbye. Don't waste your time with this cringe-fest. Stay home and eat Totino's. It's cheaper, and you won't have to deal with hipsters and their "music."