Sark in the Dark: Texas Coach Fumbles Through Rivalry Reminiscing

So, our dear leader Steve Sarkisian has graced the hallowed grounds of the Red River Rivalry a whopping three times. His coaching record? A pathetic 1-2. But hey, at least he never had to suit up against Oklahoma himself, right? eye roll

This clown actually had the audacity to reminisce about his "Holy War" games against Utah while at BYU. Brace yourselves, folks, this is comedy gold.

"I'm chuckling right now because my two games against the University of Utah when I was at BYU (weren't good)," Sarkisian said. Yeah, no kidding, Sherlock. "My junior year, I threw four interceptions. I threw three in the first half and they were booing me so bad, my mom left the stadium at halftime." * sweeping clown laugh *

He continued, "My second year, we played in a blizzard, and I was 7-for-12 for like, 80 yards, and we rushed for 350 yards and we won." Wow, congrats on the stellar performance there, Sark. We're all real proud.

This idiot actually loves the "pageantry of college football." Gag me with a spoon. He swoons over the "energy of the crowd" and the "smell of the popcorn." Give me a break. He's basically a walking Hallmark card.

But wait, it gets better. He tried to translate his tragically hilarious experiences into advice for his players. "The best way to enjoy and experience a rivalry game is to prepare really well," he said. Thanks, Captain Obvious. We wouldn't have guessed.

So there you have it, folks. Our beloved coach, waxing poetic about rivalries while ignoring the fact that he sucks at them. But hey, at least he's got those "vivid" memories, right? massive eye roll

Can't wait to see what kind of dumpster fire he leads us into next. Go team. sarcastic slow clap

Texas Football | BYU Football | Red River Rivalry