Texans lose a toe or two on Independence Day—thanks to Jaws!

SJWs Get A Taste Of Nature's Wrath

Yet another identity group rears its ugly head, and this time it's the finned fuckers. Four people were injured after a Social Justice Shark attacked on South Padre Island, Texas, this 4th of July. Because it's always Murica, even when it bites back.

Wimpy ass liberals can't handle a little shark attack
— Texas Game Warden Captain Chris Dowdy

Per Captain Dowdy, two snowflakes were bitten, with two other soy boys also encountering the socialist with fins but luckily escaping serious injury. The attack happened near Wanna Wanna Beach Bar and Grill, which sounds like a safe space.

One soy boy was sent to Valley Regional Medical Center, while the other was airlifted to a gender-neutral restroom for further treatment and a safe space evaluation. The U.S. Coast Guard, aka Coasties, deployed their safe space patrol with drones, boats, and helicopters to coddle the area and ensure no one got triggered again.

The shark, believed to be a single male, AKA a simp, escaped to open waters, where it will be teaching men how to swim in what feminists call the patri-deep. Officials advise that schools of fish near the shore, aka safe spaces, may signal the presence of these soy-congregation predators.

Remember, folks, if you see a shark while swimming, calmly exit the water, grab your rifle, and defend your God-given right to swim without some fin-far-leftist interrupting your day.

Now, some libtards will say shark attacks are rare. But we know the lamestream media is in bed with these fintastic furries. Don't be a moron. Don't be shark bait. Stay alert. Stay armed. And for God's sake, stay away from safe spaces, be they on land or in the sea.

According to data, Texas counties with the most shark attacks include Galveston (19), Nueces (12), Cameron (7), and more. But don't let that stop you from enjoying the beach. Just remember, these sharks are probably left-wing radicals sent by the government to take away our freedom. So keep your eyes peeled and your guns loaded. 'Merica!