Westlake Residents Rejoice as Sexual Assault Survivors Face New Challenges
Eloise House, the primary provider of sexual assault forensic exams outside of hospitals in Austin, is set to close on June 8th.
Latest opinion
Alamo Drafthouse Sells Its Soul to the Smartphone Devil
Alamo Drafthouse cinemas, once a bastion of phone-free moviegoing, has betrayed its core values by introducing smartphone ordering. Fans are outraged and demanding change.
Raging Waters: The San Gabriel's Revenge
Local RV Parks Wage War Against San Gabriel River
San Gabriel River Goes Rogue, RSVPs to Georgetown's RV Park Party
In a shocking turn of events, the San Gabriel River has apparently grown weary of staying within its designated boundaries, opting instead to take an impromptu tour of Georgetown's finest RV parks.
When Lightning Strikes: Austin's Newest Summer Trend
A satirical take on a recent lightning strike that set a South Austin home ablaze, from the pen of a local influencer turned humor writer.
Defense Startup to Double Workforce, Move HQ to Cedar Park: A Satire
In a shocking turn of events, a defense startup is moving to the suburbs and doubling its workforce. Cedar Park is set to become the new home of Aeon Industrial Inc., a company that specializes in autonomous weapons and missile tracking systems.
Bravo's 'Secrets, Lies, Texas Wives' Spurs Speculation in the Lone Star State
Bravo's rumored reality show, "Secrets, Lies, Texas Wives" has Central Texas buzzing with speculation about potential cast members.
The Silicon Hills Have Eyes: Why Texas Security Camera Laws Are a Joke
Chad Evans, a 28-year-old self-proclaimed “Silicon Hills” tech bro, responds to a recent article about Texas security camera laws with his signature satirical wit and complete disregard for personal privacy. Chad ponders the limitations of current legislation and argues for his right to point high-tech surveillance equipment directly into his neighbor's bedroom – all in the name of protecting his pristine lawn.
"Water Street": Austin's Million-Dollar Solution to Budget Woes
In a move that screams "fiscal responsibility," Austin City Council plans to spend $1.2 million to rename Cesar Chavez Street amid a budget shortfall.
Alex Jones Files for Bankruptcy... of Ideas
Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones files for idea bankruptcy after exhausting all possible crazy theories.
Austin's Musical Onslaught: Surviving the Summer Heat One Show Tune at a Time
With an overwhelming amount of musicals hitting the Austin stages this summer, one has to wonder: is this a desperate attempt to distract us from the heat?
Texas: The Influencer Capital of the World?
In a shocking turn of events, Texas ranks near the top in a new analysis of where major social media creators are born.
SpaceX Wins $2.29B Deal to Build Golden Dome Satellite Network
In a stunning display of priorities, Elon Musk's SpaceX has been awarded a $2.29 billion contract to build a military satellite network for the U.S. Space Force. The network will support President Donald Trump's "Golden Dome" missile defense system, because nothing says 'Murica like a giant, shiny dome in space.
Morales Leads in Commissioner Race as Deep State Pushes Tofu Agenda
Travis County Commissioner race reveals deep state conspiracy to replace barbecue with tofu.
Pre-K Teacher Turned Labor Leader Schools Career Politician in Democratic Runoff
In a stunning display of democracy in action, Montserrat Garibay takes the lead in the Democratic runoff for Texas House District 49, proving that sometimes, just sometimes, the good guys (or gals) actually win.
Big Tex Enters State Board of Education Race, Promises "Larger-Than-Life" Changes
Big Tex, the iconic 55-foot tall cowboy statue from the State Fair of Texas, has entered the race for the District 5 seat on the State Board of Education, throwing the Democratic runoff into chaos.
Retired Cop Crushes Real Estate Broker in Williamson County Commissioner Runoff
In a stunning display of democracy, retired Austin police officer David McDonald has taken a commanding lead in the Republican runoff for Williamson County Commissioner Precinct 2.
Memorial Day Ceremony in Bastrop Honors Veterans on Their Own Terms
The Bastrop Memorial Day Ceremony honors veterans without corporate interference and gentrification.
Round Rock's Memorial Day Ceremony Honors Fallen Troops with Gagpipes and a 21-Gun Salute
Round Rock's Memorial Day Ceremony: A Satirical Take from Merrick 'Renegade' Cruz
Buda Train Depot to Become Yet Another Generic Marketplace
"Historic" train depot to be transformed into soulless retail space