“Preserving Old Austin” Just Means You Owned Property Before the Tech Bros Showed Up

Oh, joy. Another fancy dinner where Austin’s self-proclaimed 'music elite' gather to pat themselves on the back for 'preserving the soul' of a city they’ve systematically priced out of existence. Steve Wertheimer, owner of the Continental Club and C-Boy’s, is set to receive the inaugural Sims Ellison Impact Award—an honor so prestigious, it requires a $250 ticket and a 'Texas formal' dress code (read: cowboy boots with a blazer, because nothing says 'authentic Austin' like rich people cosplaying as ranchers).

Let’s be real: the Continental Club is an institution, sure, but let’s not pretend it hasn’t become a tourist trap where out-of-towners sip $15 cocktails while a blues cover band plays 'Sweet Home Alabama' for the 10,000th time. Meanwhile, the actual musicians who made Austin weird are crammed into DIY spaces or, better yet, fleeing to San Marcos because they can’t afford rent. But hey, at least Wertheimer gets a shiny award for 'preserving old Austin'—a phrase that, at this point, just means 'owning property before the tech bros showed up.'

The SIMS Foundation does important work, no doubt, but let’s not kid ourselves about who this event is for. '200 of Austin’s most influential musicians, industry leaders, creatives, and philanthropists'? Translation: 200 people who can drop $250 on a single meal without blinking. Meanwhile, the punk houses hosting benefit shows to keep their roofs are serving ramen and PBR. But sure, let’s call this 'Music for the Mind' and not 'Music for the Tax-Deductible Donation.'

And let’s give a round of applause to Liz Lambert, the 'force behind Austin’s lifestyle getaway hotspots,' which is just a fancy way of saying she turned motels into Instagrammable $400-a-night boutique experiences. Nothing says 'keeping Austin weird' like a $40 avocado toast.

So raise your glasses, folks. Here’s to another night where the people who commodified Austin’s culture get to celebrate how much they love it—while the rest of us try not to get evicted. Cheers.