NOAA’s ‘Heatwave’ Hoax: The Deep State’s Plot to Melt Your Freedom

Oh, great. Just what we needed—another "scientific" prediction from the so-called "experts" at NOAA. According to their latest crystal ball readings (sorry, I mean "seasonal outlook"), Texas is in for more heat. Shocking, right? A state known for its mild, breezy summers is going to be hot. Someone alert the media! Oh wait, they already did—because of course they did.

But let’s not ignore the real issue here. Why is NOAA suddenly so interested in Texas weather? Could it be that the deep state is using weather manipulation to keep us all indoors, away from our barbecues and freedom-loving gatherings? I’m not saying they’re controlling the weather with secret satellites (okay, maybe I am), but have you ever noticed how every time there’s a heatwave, the government suddenly starts pushing their "stay hydrated" and "check on your neighbors" propaganda? Coincidence? I think not.

And let’s talk about these "above-average temperatures." What even is "average" anymore? The globalists have been tweaking the numbers for years to fit their climate change narrative. Remember when summers were just… summers? Now every warm day is a "climate emergency" and an excuse to tax your air conditioning. Mark my words, folks—next they’ll be telling us that shade is a privilege, not a right.

But here’s the real kicker: NOAA claims we might see triple-digit temps stretching into October. October! That’s pumpkin spice season, people. Are they trying to melt our lattes too? This is clearly an attack on basic American traditions. First, they came for our gas stoves, now they’re coming for our fall vibes. When does it end?

And don’t even get me started on their "equal chances for rainfall" nonsense. "Equal chances"? That’s bureaucrat-speak for "we have no idea, but we’ll pretend we do." They might as well say, "Flip a coin, pray, or sacrifice a goat to the weather gods—your guess is as good as ours."

So, while the mainstream media wants you to panic about a few extra hot days, I’m here to tell you the truth: this is all part of the plan. Stay vigilant, stock up on sunscreen (before they tax that too), and keep your tinfoil hats handy. The weather may be hot, but the conspiracy is even hotter.