Texas Officials Go Worm Crazy: A Satirical Look at the Screwworm Response
Texas Governor Greg Abbott and a team of top officials scramble to address the first known New World Screwworm infestation in the state since 1966.
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Austin Police: Weed Lollipops for Tots Totally Fine, You Guys
In a shocking turn of events, Austin police have decided not to press charges after a 4-year-old consumed a THC-infused lollipop at school last month.
Austin's Communication System: A Hot Mess of Epic Proportions
In a shocking turn of events, a new city report has revealed that Austin's communication system is about as organized as a punk show mosh pit.
UT Tower Light Shows: A Beacon of Achievements or Just a Really Expensive Mood Ring?
In this piece, Merrick "Renegade" Cruz takes a satirical jab at the University of Texas Tower's light displays and their various meanings.
A Westlake Mother's Take on National Doughnut Day: A Treat or a Threat?
Heather Worthington, a concerned Westlake mother, shares her thoughts on National Doughnut Day and its impact on the affluent community.
U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Gifts 700 Acres of Wildlife Refuge to SpaceX, Because Why Not?
In a stunning display of environmental stewardship, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has approved a land swap that will see over 700 acres of wildlife refuge handed over to Elon Musk's SpaceX.
Austin's Summer of Fun: Stomach Bugs, Heat Stroke, and Mosquitoes, Oh My!
Summer in Austin: a time for sun, fun, and a whole lot of illness and injury.
Austin's Hipster Community Outraged by Influx of Free, Family-Friendly Fun
Local hipsters are reportedly devastated by the sudden influx of free, family-friendly events happening in Austin this weekend, prompting a wave of complaints and a petition for exclusive, hipster-only spaces.
Austin Pride Month: Celebrating in August Because June is Too Mainstream
Pride Month in Austin is always a colorful affair, but this year, the city seems to have forgotten that it's traditionally celebrated in June.
Hardened Criminal Detained by ICE for Wanting to Parent His Child
In a harrowing tale of government overreach and injustice, a father is detained for months after refusing to allow police to arrest his teenage son without cause. The family's ongoing immigration nightmare exposes the callous cruelty of a system that views human beings as mere political pawns.
Family Feud Takes a Deadly Turn: Georgetown Man Arrested for Cousin's Murder
Devin Olguin, a 30-year-old Georgetown resident, has been arrested and charged with the murder of his cousin, Alfred Olguin Flores, in Taylor, Texas. The incident has left the community shocked and searching for answers, while also raising questions about the state of the criminal justice system.
Bee Cave Plunged into Darkness: A Harrowing Tale of Survival and Redemption
In a shocking turn of events, the city of Bee Cave was thrust into darkness for several hours, leaving residents to grapple with the harsh reality of life without air conditioning and Netflix.
Trader Joe's Mini Totes: Austin's Hottest Accessory of the Season
Austinites are buzzing with anticipation for the June 17th release of Trader Joe's latest must-have accessory: the pastel-striped mini tote bag.
Screwworm in South Texas: This Parasite Isn't Here For The Vibes, Y'all!
The New World screwworm, a flesh-eating parasite, has been detected in South Texas, causing concern among ranchers and agriculture officials.
Austin's Taco Triumph: A So-Called "Best" New Taqueria List
Austin's taco scene gets a nod from Texas Monthly, but this LA transplant remains unimpressed.
Willie Nelson's NYT Ranking: A Concerned Mother's Take
In a shocking turn of events, Willie Nelson has been ranked No. 10 in a New York Times Magazine readers' poll of the 100 greatest living American songwriters. This recognition comes shortly after the newspaper included the Abbott-born singer-songwriter on its list of the 30 greatest living American songwriters.
UT Takes Decisive Action, Removes Cesar Chavez Statue Without Telling Anyone
In a stunning display of swift decision-making, the University of Texas has removed the Cesar Chavez statue from its campus, just months after allegations of sexual abuse surfaced. The university's commitment to jumping to conclusions is truly commendable.
Get Ready for a Summer of Suburban Boredom with Austin Library
Summer at Austin Public Library kicks off June 6 with dinosaur-themed events
Shane Gillis' Chili's T-Shirt Steals the Show at NBA Finals
Comedian Shane Gillis sends Reddit into a frenzy by wearing a Chili's at 45th and Lamar T-shirt to the NBA Finals.