Ted Cruz Declares War on Dissent, Labels Protest Organizers 'The RICO Suavez'
Senator Ted Cruz wants to treat protest organizers like mob bosses in his latest bid to outdo himself in the 'How to Alienate Every Non-Conservative' Olympics.
Latest opinion
Austin PD’s "Murder Arrest" Exposed as Deep State Distraction Tactic
Austin police claim to have arrested a suspect in a drive-by shooting, but the truth is far more sinister—and probably involves tofu.
Trump Slays Climate Change 'Cult' in Epic Victory for Texas Oil (and Freedom)
In a heroic strike against the 'climate change religion,' the Trump administration has declared war on greenhouse gas regulations—much to the dismay of tofu-munching environmentalists and traitorous oil companies.
Firefly Aerospace’s IPO: Because Losing Money at Warp Speed Wasn’t Expensive Enough
Firefly Aerospace wants to launch an IPO, but with losses piling up faster than their rockets, is this just another Wall Street scam?
Firefly Aerospace IPO: Because Losing $231 Million Was Just the Warm-Up
Firefly Aerospace's IPO proves that in Austin, even rockets can't escape the gravitational pull of *disruptive* financial losses.
"We Didn’t See It Coming": Kerrville Officials Prove Water Is Wet, Bureaucracy Is Slow
Kerrville officials' leaked texts reveal a flood response so chaotic, it’s almost impressive.
Texas GOP Redraws Maps, Accidentally Creates New National Park
Texas Republicans unveil their latest masterpiece: a congressional district so big it comes with its own time zone.
EXCLUSIVE: 'Indelible Austin' Series Exposed as Deep State Plot to Rewrite History (And Make Rocks Look Smart)
The latest volume of 'Indelible Austin' is here—and it's just another tool in the deep state's history-erasing agenda, according to our 'expert' analysis.
EXCLUSIVE: Deep State Floods Texas Family to Erase Elvis-Loving, BBQ-Eating Patriots
In a world where the deep state controls the weather, one family's tragedy reveals the sinister truth behind Big Sandy Creek's 'natural' disaster.
Benefit Concerts or Corporate Circle Jerks? Austin’s Flood Relief Shows, Ranked by How Much They’ll Make You Cringe
Austin’s flood benefit concerts are here to save the day—or at least to give rich musicians another excuse to wear cowboy hats on stage. Merrick "Renegade" Cruz breaks down the absurdity of it all.
Benefit Concerts or Corporate Back-Patting? Austin’s Flood Relief Circus Rolls On
Austin's elite musicians rally for flood relief—because nothing says "community" like overpriced tickets and celebrity tears.
Thermostat Wars: The Battle Between Comfort and Your Wallet (Spoiler: You Lose)
As Texas turns into a giant convection oven, Heather Worthington weighs in on the thermostat wars—because nothing says 'luxury' like sweating through your Lululemons to save $3.50.
Texas Senate Plays *Hunger Games* with Election Fraud Powers
Texas senators running for AG get to vote on expanding AG powers—because of course they do.
Austin’s Weather is Gaslighting Us: A Millennial’s Guide to Surviving a *Gasp* Pleasant July
Austin's July weather has been *unforgivably* mild, and one former L.A. transplant is *not* okay with it.
ICE to Immigrants: 'Welcome to Court! (Just Kidding, You’re Under Arrest)'
Congressman Greg Casar discovers that San Antonio’s immigration court is less 'justice for all' and more 'deportation roulette.'
California Private Equity Buys Shipley Do-Nuts, Immediately Ruins Everything
Austin's Shipley Do-Nuts sold to California private equity, proving once again that nothing is sacred—not even kolaches.
H-E-B's Propitious Mango Ice Cream: Because Austin Needed Another Reason to Feel Superior
Austin's latest viral food obsession proves once again that we'll lose our minds over anything shaped like fruit and hyped on TikTok.
BREAKING: Career Criminal Finally Arrested After Police Notice He’s Driving Like a Madman (Shocking)
A wanted man with more charges than a CVS receipt was finally arrested in Kyle—but not before proving the justice system is about as effective as a screen door on a submarine.
Waterloo Records Relocation: A Deep State Plot to Control Your Music Taste?
Austin's iconic Waterloo Records is moving—but is it just a harmless relocation, or a sinister plot to brainwash vinyl lovers? Our investigative team (i.e., me, alone in my basement) digs into the *real* story.
Tesla’s AI6 Chips: Because AI5 Was Too Busy Not Working
Tesla and Samsung’s $16.5B AI chip deal proves once again that Elon Musk’s hype machine runs on pure, unfiltered vibes.