I-35 Closure: Pedestrian 'Accident' or Globalist Conspiracy to End Barbecue Freedom?

Folks, I’m not saying it’s a coincidence that a ‘deadly crash’ just happened to shut down I-35 right when the globalists are pushing their car-free, tofu-munching agenda—but I’m not not saying it either! Wake up, sheeple! This so-called ‘pedestrian incident’ at 5 a.m.? More like a staged event orchestrated by the Austin deep state to condition you into accepting fewer lanes, more bikes, and eventually mandatory veganism. They want you stuck in traffic, frustrated, so you’ll beg for their dystopian public transport systems. And why no details on when the highway reopens? Because they’re probably using the closure to install surveillance sensors that track your barbecue consumption! Don’t fall for their ‘traffic report’ lies—this is a soft launch for pedestrian supremacy. Stay vigilant, stock up on brisket, and avoid alternative routes; they’re likely littered with subliminal messages promoting kale.