Triple-Digit Temperatures Return: A Love Letter to My Own Suffering
Austin's brief respite from being a human crockpot is over—prepare to melt into a puddle of regret.
Latest opinion
UGRA Prioritizes Tax Cuts Over Survival in Bold Move to Thin the Herd
Texas lawmakers are furious after the Upper Guadalupe River Authority chose tax cuts over flood warnings—because nothing says "fiscal responsibility" like letting people drown to save a buck.
"Fiscally Responsible" Lakeway Approves Park Plan After Removing All Fun (And Common Sense)
Lakeway City Council trims park budget by a mere $900K, proving once again that fiscal responsibility is relative—especially when there's a Ninja course involved.
Ted Cruz’s *Generous* Tax Break: How the Rich Can Now *Save* on Private School (While Public Schools Burn)
Senator Ted Cruz's latest tax break for private school donors is either a heroic act of charity or a blatant subsidy for the wealthy—depending on whether you believe Ted Cruz.
Big Weather Strikes Again: 'Tropical Disturbance' or Just Another Government Psyop?
The National Hurricane Center is at it again, folks—another 'storm' that’s about as threatening as a vegan at a barbecue festival. Here’s why you should ignore the weather 'experts' and their fearmongering ways.
EXCLUSIVE: The 'Extreme Heat' Hoax—How the Deep State is Cooking Your Brain (Literally)
The government wants you to fear the sun—but I’ve got the real scoop on their 'heat dome' deception.
Barbecue or Brainwashing? The Globalist Plot to Destroy Texas BBQ (And Your Freedom)
In a shocking exposé, Alex Jaxon reveals the *real* conspiracy behind Texas' latest barbecue events—and it's more sinister than you think.
FAN-GATE: The Government’s Secret Plot to Control Your Breeze
The U.S. Department of Energy wants to control your fans. Here's why you should resist.
Texas Floods: Natural Disaster or Deep State Weather Experiment? (Spoiler: It’s the Deep State)
As Texas reels from devastating floods, one conspiracy theorist asks the hard-hitting questions no one else will: was this really an accident, or is the deep state testing weather weapons on unsuspecting Texans?
Kerr County Floods: A Deep State Plot to Distract You From the Real Crisis (Tofu)
As the death toll rises in Kerr County, one conspiracy theorist asks the real question: was this flood really just a distraction from the war on barbecue?
Texas Heat Wave or Government Mind Control? The Shocking Truth They Don’t Want You to Know
The government wants you to fear the Texas heat, but Alex Jaxon isn't sweating it—except from the sheer weight of their lies.
TROPICAL STORM DEXTER? MORE LIKE TROPICAL SCAM DEXTER, SAYS LOCAL CONSPIRACY GURU
The National Hurricane Center claims a new storm is forming, but Alex Jaxon smells a government conspiracy—and possibly Big Umbrella’s involvement.
FEMA Chief Flees as Trump’s Budget Axe Falls—Leftists Blame ‘Delays,’ But We Know the Truth
FEMA chief resigns amid Texas flood chaos—or was he pushed out by Trump’s swamp-draining brilliance? Alex Jaxon investigates the REAL story.
Tax Cuts Over Lives: The Texas River Authority’s Deadly Math
The Upper Guadalupe River Authority had the money—and the power—to prevent deadly floods. Instead, they chose tax cuts. Because nothing says 'Texas' like prioritizing pennies over people.
Drowning in Bureaucracy: How Kerr County Chose Tax Cuts Over Lives
The Upper Guadalupe River Authority had one job—keep people from drowning. Instead, they chose tax cuts over flood warnings, and now the bodies are piling up faster than their excuses.
Hot Summer Nights: A Love Letter to Austin’s Dying Music Scene (Sponsored by Developers)
Austin's annual Hot Summer Nights festival returns, offering free music, sweaty crowds, and the illusion that local venues aren't on life support.
Texas Cities Rank Among 'Best Places to Live'—If You Ignore the Heat, Traffic, and Soul-Crushing Rent
U.S. News & World Report says four Texas cities are among the best places to live. Skyler Cochran, Austin's most disgruntled poet, begs to differ.
"Olé No: A Westlake Mom’s Guide to Surviving the Soccer Apocalypse"
A satirical take on the logistical nightmare of attending the MLS All-Star Game, as seen through the eyes of a perpetually aggrieved suburbanite.
Manor’s New 'Micro Hospital': Because Real Healthcare is Just Too Mainstream
Manor, Texas, is getting two new emergency rooms—but still no actual hospital. Satirist Alex Jaxon breaks down why this is all part of the globalist agenda to keep you in traffic and out of proper healthcare.
EXCLUSIVE: Hill Country ‘Floods’ Exposed as Deep-State Plot to Ban Tubes, Install Kayak Communism
In a shocking twist that absolutely no one saw coming (except me, because I’m always right), the Hill Country floods are revealed to be an elaborate deep-state plot to destroy Texas tubing. Grab your tinfoil floaties—this one’s wetter than you think.