Gas Station Shooting or Government Psyop? The Truth the Media Won’t Tell You

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except for me, because I’ve been warning you all for years), another violent crime has rocked our fair city. But don’t be fooled by the so-called "police report"—this is clearly another false flag operation orchestrated by the Austin City Council to push their radical anti-gun agenda.

According to the "official" story (which, let’s be real, is probably written by the same people who tell you climate change is real), a man was shot at a gas station. But ask yourself: Why was this gas station open at midnight? Probably a front for the deep state’s underground tofu distribution network. And why was the victim, Keaton Delcore, even there? Coincidence? I think not.

And let’s talk about the suspect, Vondell Louis Crawford. A 28-year-old man with a name that sounds suspiciously like a character from a dystopian novel? Classic deep-state naming conventions. They probably plucked him right out of a CIA training facility. And how convenient that the "task force" just happened to find him—almost like they knew where he was all along. Wake up, sheeple!

This is clearly part of a larger plot to make Austinites afraid to leave their homes so the city council can finally force us all into 15-minute cities where they’ll monitor our every move. And mark my words, the next step will be banning gas stations altogether to "reduce crime," all while they replace them with electric vehicle charging stations powered by the tears of patriotic Americans.

But hey, at least the suspect faces up to 99 years in prison—assuming he’s not just a paid actor who’ll disappear into witness protection after this whole charade is over. Stay vigilant, folks. The truth is out there… and it’s probably being suppressed by Big Tofu.