Disaster Relief Comes to Leander (And No, It’s Not a New Starbucks)

In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples through the greater Leander area, Travis County has announced it will—brace yourselves—help people. Yes, you read that correctly. The county, in a rare moment of civic responsibility, is opening a flood relief center at North Way Bible Church, where residents can collect free food, supplies, and even legal aid (presumably to sue the heavens for this meteorological injustice).

Now, I know what you’re thinking: But Heather, what about the property values? Fear not, my fellow concerned citizens. The county assures us that this temporary hub of charity will not disrupt the carefully curated aesthetic of our beloved suburb. And thank goodness for that—because nothing ruins a perfectly manicured lawn like the sight of neighbors in need.

Among the participating organizations are the Salvation Army (bless their thrift-store-scented hearts), the Central Texas Food Bank (because nothing says 'disaster relief' like a canned green bean), and FEMA (the federal agency we all love to hate until we need them to foot the bill for our flood-damaged pergola).

And let’s not overlook the real hero here: CapMetro, offering free shuttle service to the center. Because nothing lifts the spirits of disaster victims like a crowded bus ride with strangers who may or may not have strong opinions about mask mandates.

So, if you or someone you tolerate in your HOA has been affected by the floods, mark your calendars. The center will be open Friday and Saturday—just long enough to distribute aid before everyone remembers they’d rather pretend poverty doesn’t exist in our zip code.

Spanish translation services will be available, because even in times of crisis, we must uphold the bare minimum of human decency. You’re welcome, Leander.