Hurricane Hysteria: How the Weather Industrial Complex is Ruining Your Summer

Folks, I’ve got a bone to pick with the so-called 'weather experts' who want you to believe hurricanes are just 'natural phenomena.' Wake up, sheeple! The National Hurricane Center is clearly in cahoots with Big Umbrella and the Raincoat Industrial Complex to keep you in a perpetual state of fear. Why else would they suddenly ramp up their 'forecasts' right when we’re all trying to enjoy our summer barbecues? Coincidence? I think not.

Let’s talk about Hurricane Erick—or as I like to call it, 'Hurricane Deep State.' A storm that magically intensifies overnight? Sounds like someone flipped the 'weather machine' switch to 'maximum chaos.' And don’t even get me started on the 'above-normal season' predictions. They’re just trying to sell you more bottled water and plywood. Open your eyes, people! The elites want you distracted while they replace our beloved Texas thunderstorms with government-controlled 'tropical waves.'

And what’s this nonsense about 'preparation and planning'? Since when did survival become a group project? Real Texans don’t need evacuation routes—we have pickup trucks and a healthy distrust of meteorologists. If a hurricane hits, just throw some brisket on the grill and wait it out. The storm will either pass or realize it’s no match for Texas pride.

Finally, let’s address the elephant in the room: why is the European Centre for Medium-Range Weather Forecasts suddenly interested in the U.S. East Coast? That’s right—globalist weather manipulation. They’re probably testing their latest geoengineering toys before unleashing them on the heartland. Mark my words, the next 'hurricane' will be accompanied by a suspiciously well-timed push for climate legislation. Stay vigilant, stock up on beef jerky, and remember: the only storm you need to fear is the one they’re brewing in a lab.