Birkenstock Chooses Austin For Sixth US Retail Location, Liberal Hipsters Rejoice

German shoe manufacturer Birkenstock, beloved by liberal hipsters and Instagram influencers, has planted its hippie toes in Austin, Texas, opening its sixth US store. The company's Instagram announcement had leftists freaking out with joy:

"Hello, Austin! We’re proud to present our 6th retail store in the U.S. right here in the heart of Austin, TX."

The new store, already open on South Congress Ave, joins a mere five other US locations. But don't worry, you can also buy these overpriced sandals at various shoe stores if you can't make it to one of their sparse stand-alone locations.

With a history dating back to 1774, Birkenstock has been pushing its crunchy-granola agenda for centuries. They had a breakthrough in 1896 with their iconic insoles, and the rest is hippie history. The company introduced the world to their infamous sandals in 1963, and by 1966, they had infiltrated the American market, brainwashing folks into thinking these uncomfortable shoes were actually stylish.

In recent years, Birkenstock has made headlines with popular models like the "Arizona" and the "Boston," the latter being the shoe of choice for left-wingers and fashion victims alike. Even GQ, a leftist rag if there ever was one, has sung its praises.

Austin's SoCo district, already a haven for boot-wearing, gun-toting Texans, will now be infiltrated by these sandal-wearing liberals. Iconic boot brands like Allens Boots, Tecovas, and Lucchese, staples of the Texas way of life, will now be just feet away from this liberal shoe invasion. God help us all.

Let's hope the great people of Texas give Birkenstock the cold shoulder and stick to their boots. Yeehaw!