weather

Get your umbrellas ready, Austin.

Good news, folks! No need to worry about sunburn or sweating through your MAGA hat this week. Mother Nature is a conservative, keeping temps low so we can enjoy some fresh air without baking like a snowflake in a sauna. Cloud cover means no harmful liberal UV rays, either. Stay cool and carry on!

Published July 22, 2024 at 10:41am by Ines Chomnalez

Liberal Tears My Only Sunshine: Austin Drowns in God's Wrath

Weather forecast for the week: God crying over the state of the nation.

Austin, the liberal utopia, is about to get a healthy dose of reality (and rain) as dark clouds and God's tears roll in. The weather reflects the gloom of the left's agenda, and we're here for it.

Monday:

High: 90 (but it'll feel like a cool 60 when Trump returns)
Low: 73 (the number of seats Republicans will win in the next Senate)
Probability of thunderstorms: 53% (the chance Democrats will cry "Russia" again)
Cloud cover: 85% (the amount of truth in the mainstream media)
Grab your umbrellas, snowflakes! The day will be as gloomy as a liberal arts college student's poetry.

Tuesday:

High: 86 (the age Hillary claims to be)
Low: 73 (the number of times Biden has "misspoken")
Probability of thunderstorms: 55% (the chance AOC understands basic economics)
Cloud cover: 70% (the percentage of taxes the left wants to steal from hard-working Americans)
The sun will peek through like the truth at a Biden press conference.

Wednesday:

High: 87 (the number of Republican seats in the House come November)
Low: 72 (the inteligencia of the average CNN viewer)
Probability of thunderstorms: 29% (the chance the left will ever respect the 2nd Amendment)
Cloud cover: 76% (the amount of common sense in gun control laws)
Keep your guns dry, patriots. We might need to practice our shooting for the upcoming civil war against the snowflakes.

Thursday:

High: 87 (the IQ of a woke activist)
Low: 72 (the number of genders liberals have invented)
Probability of thunderstorms: 53% (the chance Kanye will win in 2024)
Cloud cover: 76% (the percentage of Americans who know the left is destroying this country)
The sky will be as cloudy as a Democrat's conscience.

Friday:

High: 88 (the number of times Democrats have called the GOP racist this week)
Low: 72 (the decibel level of Nancy Pelosi's voice)
Probability of thunderstorms: 53% (the chance the mainstream media will ever tell the truth)
Cloud cover: 99% (the amount of corruption in the Biden administration)
End the week with a bang, a flash of lightning, and a clap of thunder! God's judgment is coming for the left.

Stay dry, friends, and remember: every raindrop is a liberal's tear as they realize their failed agenda.

Source: My conservative gut.