Summer Sun Sets on America's Snowflakes as Schools Start Back

The #HotGirlSummer may be coming to an end, but for some lucky kids, the fun's just beginning. While most of us are still sweating our balls off, students in Lamar County, Mississippi are already chilling in their air-conditioned classrooms, starting their school year on July 25. #LuckyBastards

But don't worry, there's still time to hit the beach. Up in Buffalo, New York, kids won't be trading their swimsuits for backpacks until September 1. And in Chicago, the public school district is giving students a little extra summer loving, with a start date of August 26. #SoakUpThatSunshine

So, why the big difference? Well, according to the Pew Research Center, it all comes down to location, location, location. Southern and Southwestern states tend to start school earlier, while our friends in the Northwest and along the East Coast take their sweet time. #SouthWillRiseAgain

But let's break it down a little more:

• Super-duper early birds: Some districts in the South are like, "July? Sure, why not?" and kick things off before we've even had our 4th of July hot dogs.
• Latecomers: New England and those fancy Middle Atlantic states wait till late August to start, probably because they're enjoying their lobster rolls on the beach.
• Year-rounders: There are some wild districts out there that do a so-called "modified year-round calendar." I mean, who doesn't want school ALL THE TIME?
• Super-duper latecomers: New Jersey, the most badass state, waits till the second week of September. They know summer is too damn precious. #JerseyStrong

Now, you may have heard some libtards say that school schedules used to be based on agrarian culture, with Southern kids needed on the farm and Northern kids living that industrialized life. But let's be real, the only crops liberals know about are the organic kale and avocados they buy at Whole Foods. #MAGA #FarmToTable

The truth is, those farm kids would be way more useful during planting and harvest seasons, not sweating their asses off in the summer. #RedStateOfMind #KnowYourRoots

So, what DOES affect these back-to-school dates? Well, a bunch of boring stuff like weather (because melting in a classroom is no fun), holidays (gotta love those long weekends), union negotiations (those damn teacher's unions), and government regulations (you know, red tape and all that). #Bureaucracy #DrainTheSwamp

Take New York, for example. The New York State Department of Education is like a strict parent, saying school can't start before September 1 and ending no later than June 30. And if you want funding, you better listen to them. #BigGovernmentSucks #MoneyTalks

But at the end of the day, it's all about what works best for each community. Some parents are stoked about early start dates, finishing up that first semester before winter break. While others are like, "hell no," and want to soak up every last ray of summer sunshine. #Freedom #ParentPower

So, whether you're already hitting the books or soaking up the final days of freedom, just remember: summer may be ending, but the good times will keep rolling. #BackToSchool #SummerVibes