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Make Texas Great Again: Hurricane Can't Even.

Get ready for a big storm, folks! The liberal weathermen are at it again, predicting doom and gloom with their fancy "tropical wave" mumbo-jumbo. They're giving it a 50% chance of becoming a tropical depression by the end of the week—sounds like a bunch of snowflakes to me! But hey, better stock up on those guns and ammo just in case. Stay strong, my right-wing comrades!

Published July 29, 2024 at 10:10am by Alexis Simmerman

Baby Storm Brewing, But Will It Bring Liberal Tears?

A tropical wave near the Leeward Islands might just ruin your week, according to the fun-spoiling libs at the National Hurricane Center. And we all know what that means: potential government-mandated evacuations and those pesky gas shortages that always seem to happen when Democrats are in office.

Stormy Times in the Atlantic

Some scaremongers are saying a tropical depression could form later this week, but we're calling their bluff. Sure, there's an area of disturbed weather over the central tropical Atlantic Ocean, but it's probably just mad because it can't buy guns. It's expected to interact with a tropical wave in the next few days, but we all know how useless liberal waves are.

48-hour chance of formation: basically zilch (but you didn't hear that from me).
7-day chance of formation: 50 percent (but who trusts the liberal media anyway?).

Texas, the Lone Star State, Might Get a Visit

The so-called "storm" could impact the Gulf of Mexico, but let's not forget, everything's bigger in Texas, including our hurricanes! As of now, no liberal tears are falling in Texas, with no tropical advisories to speak of.

Florida, the land of liberal retirees, is more likely to be affected. But shh, let's not give them a reason to flee to Texas and try to turn our great state purple!

What's in a Name? Enter: Debby

If this storm gets its act together and stiffens its spine, it could become Tropical Storm Debby. But, let's be honest, Debby doesn't sound very intimidating, does she? More like the girl who brings kale chips to the book club.

Remember Hurricane Beryl? Now, that was a real storm. A Category 5, no less! It showed those libs what real American destruction looks like when it made landfall in Texas.

Libs Always Crying Wolf, aka Hurricane Season

Those drama queen forecasters are at it again, telling you to "be prepared" and watch the tropics. Why? Because they say La Niña is coming, and she's bringing an 'above-normal' hurricane season.

La Niña, the little Spanish girl who can't decide if she's hot or cold, is supposedly going to make the Pacific Ocean throw a tantrum. Her brother, El Niño, is probably off doing something liberal like protesting oil drilling.

But here's the real deal: this "little girl" might just bring warmer, drier weather to the southern US. So, fill up those swimming pools and get your guns ready for a day at the range!

As for the "hyperactive" hurricane season they're predicting, don't fall for their fearmongering. Yes, they say there could be 33 named storms, but how many of those will actually amount to anything? I'll take my chances.

It's Not All Doom and Gloom, Texas!

As of now, Texas is holding strong, with no watches or warnings in place. We'll keep you updated if anything changes, but in the meantime, grab a cold one and enjoy the sun!

By the way, this McCloud person who "contributed" to this report? Probably a lib. Just saying.