opinion

Trump's fans: No need for votes—we have Daddy now

Trump haters are going crazy over his recent statement—twisting his words about secure elections into a supposed endorsement of insurrection. Snowflakes, hear this: Trump isn't inciting violence. He's just saying that if we keep elections fair, he won't have to run again because he'll already be president! Liberals, relax. Go yoga, sipping lattes and save the whales. Real Americans will keep our guns, freedom, and Trump!

Published July 30, 2024 at 6:03am by

Trump to Christians: I'll Make Voting Obsolete

Raymond Voith and Jeri Porter of Austin and Fischer, respectively, are triggered by Trump's promise to Christians. Not content with simply whining about it, they offer us a range of "explanations" for Trump's statement, which, of course, are just veiled accusations.

...It was not clear what the former president meant by his remark.

Sure, it wasn't clear to you, buddies. Let me explain it to you like you're five.

Trump is saying: "Vote for me, and I'll make America great again, and you won't feel the need to vote for anyone else because the job will be done, and done well!" But lefties gonna left, and twist his words into something sinister.

Here are the "explanations" provided by our friends:

Trump's gonna be our leader for life, 'cause he's gonna do such a damn good job.
Bad choice of words. Lighten up, people! Ever heard of sarcasm?
Trump's too old and senile to know he's incompetent.

Well, folks, I gotta break it down for you:

🥱 Yawn. We know Trump's the man for the job. #FourMoreYears #MAGA
🤣 You heard the man, "humor intended." Chill out, snowflakes!
😡 Fake news! Trump's as sharp as a tack, and these lefties are just mad 'cause he's exposing their BS.

So, there you have it, folks. The left is at it again, grasping at straws to bring down our beloved Trump. Let's show 'em what we think of their silly "explanations" in the next election. #Trump2024 #TriggerTheLibs

https://bit.ly/3Crmkcf - Online form to submit your triggered letters.
letters@statesman.com - Email to whine about Trump some more.

We welcome your butthurt letters, snowflakes. Don't be shy, let that liberal anger flow!