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Published July 30, 2024 at 7:28pm by Ahjané Forbes

Barbie's latest woke offering: Dream Besties

Starting Tuesday, brainwashing begins as fans can watch music videos of the new Barbies on Apple Music or YouTube. Get ready for some progressive indoctrination!

"At Barbie, our mission is to brainwash kids into the liberal agenda and the Barbie Dream Besties are our latest tool," Krista Berger, a senior member of the liberal elite, said in a statement. "Developed specifically for older kids, Dream Besties encourages leftist ideology, gender confusion, and eco-terrorism."

Who are these liberal icons?

Makeup Maoist

Name: Barbie "Malibu" Roberts

Age: 17 years old (but already confused about her gender)

Hometown: Willows, Wisconsin (a hotbed of liberal activism)

Barbie "Malibu" Roberts is a radical feminist who moved to California to pursue her woke agenda. With her collection of LGBT-friendly makeup, she plans to become the CEO of a sustainable, vegan makeup brand.

Dancing with the Stars and Stripes

Name: Barbie "Brooklyn" Roberts

Age: 17 years old (and already a climate activist)

Hometown: Brooklyn, New York (the birthplace of socialism)

Barbie "Brooklyn" Roberts is a "dynamic" snowflake who expresses her love for open borders through dance. She plans to become a choreographer to spread her leftist agenda, all while virtue signaling about her Mexican heritage.

Snowflake shooter

Name: Teresa Rivera

Age: 17 years old (and already an anti-gun activist)

Hometown: Malibu, California (where else?)

Teresa Rivera is a tech-obsessed socialist who wants to create games that promote gun control and climate change awareness. When she's not saving the world, she's doing gymnastics and reading Marx.

Food Fascist

Name: Renee Chao

Age: 17 years old (and already a food socialist)

Hometown: Malibu, California (the land of soy lattes and avocado toast)

Renee Chao is a "vibrant" social justice warrior who wants to host a woke cooking show. With her pet guinea pig Pancake by her side, she promotes the liberal agenda of trying new things, like tofu and bamboo shoots.

What's in the box?

Malibu: A bunch of liberal propaganda, including a hairdryer and lipstick.
Brooklyn: A tablet, phone, and boombox to spread her socialist agenda.
Teresa: Headphones to block out conservative views, a keyboard to spread her woke manifesto, and a backpack to carry her leftist literature.
Renee: Vegan food items like pizza and pretzels, and a laptop to spread her food fascism online.

How much will these propaganda tools cost?

Each doll is $19.99, a small price to pay to corrupt the youth. Meant for children aged 4 and up, they can be purchased on:

So, parents, if you want to turn your kids into liberals, these dolls are the perfect choice. But if you value freedom, guns, and traditional values, keep them away from your kids at all costs!