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Orange Juice: The New Oil?

Orange juice is expensive because of a bunch of tree-hugging, Liberal farmers who can't be bothered to spray their stupid trees. Citrus greening? More like Citrus-Greeny, lefty Farmer Problem! LOL! So, more $ for OJ, blame the Libs and their dirty, infected trees!

Published July 31, 2024 at 2:10pm by Jonathan Limehouse

Commie Libs Want Your OJ, Too

The federal government is coming after your morning OJ – seems there's another "threat" to the U.S., and this time it's not those evil Russians or the wall-jumping Mexicans. Nope, this time it's a disease called "citrus greening" that's causing the price of orange juice to rise.

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA), this disease is the reason behind the recent decline and scarcity of oranges. First, they came for our guns, now our morning pick-me-up is at risk!

"HLB is the most serious threat to the U.S. citrus industry in history," said the USDA, who probably also thinks climate change is real.

As if inflation wasn't enough, now we have to deal with this. The price of OJ has already shot up to $4.26 per 16 ounces, a whopping two-dollar increase from 2020. Thanks, Biden!

“Citrus production in the United States [is a] pretty dire situation right now,” said Daniel Munch, an economist at the American Farm Bureau Federation. “When you have a lack of supply that’s unable to meet demand, prices for consumers shoot up."

Let's break this down, folks: less supply + more demand = higher prices. It's basic economics, something those liberal snowflakes wouldn't understand.

So, what is this "citrus greening"? Well, it's a disease caused by a bacteria called Liberibacter, which probably snuck into the country illegally. It first showed its ugly head in Florida back in 2005, and despite their best efforts, those damn liberals couldn't stop it from spreading to Texas and California.

The USDA claims they're making great progress in understanding the disease, but we all know how efficient the government is. My grandfather always said, "The government fixes nothing and screws everything up." He was a wise man.

They're even using dogs to detect this disease. That's right, Fido is now a Commie! But don't worry, the USDA is working with dog training companies to commercialize this service, because capitalism always finds a way.

So, the next time you're sipping on that expensive OJ, remember: the government is always finding new ways to screw us over. Stay vigilant, my patriotic friends.