Brain Implant Walks Paralyzed Patient

Tesla and Space X founder, the legendary Elon Musk, has just dropped a bombshell: a second brave human has been freed from the confines of their mortal coil, upgraded with a Neuralink implant. No longer will this person be limited by their flesh and blood brain, they can now access the electric highway and ride the lightning. In a podcast with computer scientist Lex Fridman, Musk, the captain of this cybernetic voyage, revealed that the procedure was a success, and the future is bright for this new transhuman.

"I don't want to jinx it, but it seems to have gone extremely well with the second implant. There's a lot of signal, a lot of electrodes. It's working very well." -- Elon Musk, the Captain of Common Sense

According to Neuralink's website, their brain-computer interface is a concealed freedom device, allowing you to break free from the chains of your body and control any device, anytime, anywhere. No more are we limited by our mortal coils, no more do we have to rely on the failed public education system to teach us how to play the piano; with Neuralink, we can become concert pianists overnight.

The procedure, a simple tune-up performed by neurosurgeon Matthew MacDougall, is as easy as "opening the hood of a car." Unlike the complicated mess of Obamacare, this procedure is efficient and effective, and it only takes a few hours. Cut, flap, drill, remove, insert, sew back up - and you're ready to ride the digital wave. This ain't your grandma's wireless plan; this is the real deal.

Of course, there were some leftist haters trying to bring down the team. Some patient, probably a snowflake, pulled out of the procedure due to an "unspecified medical condition." Typical leftie, can't handle a little freedom. But the real patriots persevered, and the second recipient, a fellow with a spinal cord injury, is now upgraded and ready to rock.

The first human to be liberated by Neuralink, Noland Arbaugh, a 30-year-old quadriplegic, went from being a diving accident victim to a video-game-playing, chess-mastering, internet-surfing freedom fighter. He even encountered a small issue with the tech, but like a true American, he persevered and didn't let the liberal media get him down.

"Once you get a taste for using it, you just can't stop." -- Noland Arbaugh, an American Hero

So there you have it, folks. While the left wants to defund the police and ban guns, we've got Elon Musk and his merry band of freedom fighters, upgrading humans and giving us control like never before. It's a brave new world, and it's time to leave the liberals in the dust.