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Lefties losing it over JD Vance rumors.

JD Vance: Internet Rumor Debunker or Leftist Conspiracy du Jour? Let's Separate Wheat from Chaff.

Published August 5, 2024 at 9:30pm by Victoria Moorwood

Here's the rewritten article in a right-wing, humorous tone:

You thought you knew JD Vance, the Ohio senator and Republican vice presidential nominee. But how much do you really know? Prepare to have your world rocked as we delve into the bizarre rumors, memes, and jokes that have followed this Trump companion.

The Great Couch Scandal

Let's start with the juicy stuff. No, not that Vance banged a couch in his memoir, 'Hillbilly Elegy.' That rumor, started by a left-wing nutjob on X, is about as fake as they come. But it caught on like wildfire, even landing references on liberal crapfests like John Oliver's and Stephen Colbert's shows. It got so out of hand that Snopes had to step in. Sad!

Dolphin Dreams

Vance, ever the joker, posted about the wonders of finding weird stuff online. But little did he know, he'd become the joke himself. Turns out, his search history might include some, let's say, interesting queries about women and dolphins. We're not judging, JD, but maybe use incognito mode next time?

Venmo Ventures

Wired got their hands on Vance's Venmo, and boy, did they think they find some dirt. Turns out, he has some high-profile connections, including a Trump critic Jeff Flake and folks from conservative groups. But here's the kicker: his Venmo buddies also include journalists like Tucker Carlson. Guess some reporters aren't so unbiased after all. Oops!

Eye of the Beholder

TikTok morons are losing their minds over Vance's eyes, claiming he wears eyeliner. Get a grip, people! The man has dark eyelashes, deal with it. Though, we have to admit, a conservative rockin' guyliner would be a real plot twist.

Mountain Dew Madness

Vance landed himself in the crossfire with a joke about Diet Mountain Dew, saying Democrats would call it racist. Kentucky governor Andy Beshear, a potential Democrat VP nominee, had some words. Let's just say, things got a little fizzy.

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