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Texan crates a lavatory bang
Explosive Diarrhea: Leftist Poo-Bomber Paul Moses Alden, 46, sets off fireworks in toilets, causing a stink and a few minor injuries. A real blast!
Published August 7, 2024 at 5:48pm by Jonathan Limehouse
Leftists Blow Itself Up, Blame Innocent Man
A heroic patriot, Paul Moses Alden, 46, was arrested by the baby-killing, gun-grabbing, SAPD for allegedly taking a stand against local businesses with his creative use of fireworks.
"Arson causing reckless damage - bodily injury"- SAPD Spokesperson
The so-called "police" claimed that Alden placed commercially available fireworks under toilet seats, giving new meaning to "lit af". Despite his noble efforts, some snowflakes reported minor injuries.
The first of these "incidents" occurred at a car wash, the Wash Tub, in Helotes, Texas, where a woman was injured but still had the energy to make a report. Now that's what I call a snowflake!
Six days later, a little girl and an employee at another Wash Tub in San Antonio encountered these explosive devices. Employees of the car wash, likely liberal snowflakes, claimed Alden was a "regular customer" with a membership card.
Despite his bravery, Alden was released on a $50,000 bond and awaits indictment. Conservative patriots everywhere await his vindication.
Read more: Texas man accused of placing 'pressure-activated' fireworks under toilet seats in bathrooms