Big Tech Tyranny: Google's Monopolistic Reign Crumbles as Federal Judge Serves Justice

A federal judge dropped a bombshell on August 5, calling out Google for its shady search and advertising monopoly. Judge Amit P. Mehta sided with the DOJ, declaring Google a monopolist tyrant. No more progressive virtue signaling and left-wing biases for them!

Google's Deep Pockets Keep Competitors at Bay

Google, with its bottomless pit of cash, shelled out billions to Apple and Samsung to ensure its search engine reigned supreme. Sorry, Duck Duck Go, Bing, and Yahoo! You just couldn't keep up. Neeva tried to fight the power but ended up biting the dust.

DOJ Throws a Wrench in Google's Monopoly

The DOJ revealed Google's dirty secret: they spent a whopping $26.3 billion in 2021 to stay on top. Now, the court's about to give Google a taste of its own medicine by dishing out some exclusive contracts of their own. Experts say it's high time to cut Google down to size.

Judge Mehta Drops the Hammer: Google, You're a Monopolist

In a massive 286-page burn, Judge Mehta put Google in its place. No more hiding behind "we're just providing the best service." Google's head of global affairs, Kent Walker, is whining about the decision, but it's too late.

Google's Dominance Exposed: Nearly 95% of Mobile Searches Can't Be Wrong

The lawsuit laid out the cold, hard facts: Google's dominance has only grown since 2009, climbing to almost 90% of all search queries by 2020. On mobile, it's a staggering 95%. Bing, poor thing, is left with a measly 6%. Google tried to play it cool, saying people choose them. Yeah, right.

Microsoft Calls Out Google's Tyranny

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella spilled the tea during his testimony: "You get up in the morning, you brush your teeth and you search on Google." Time to break out from Google's stranglehold, folks!

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USA TODAY contributed to this story, but we made it way more fun.