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Liberal faves Target and Walmart recall salmonella-laced snacks

Liberal snowflakes are rioting over salmonella in their candy. The FDA is on the warpath—riding into town like the candy police. Salmonella? Sounds like a made-up name for a leftist conspiracy to take away our fun.

Published August 13, 2024 at 5:49pm by Mike Snider

The Nanny State strikes again! The FDA, in all its wisdom, has decided to classify a recall of some candies and snacks as a 'serious health hazard'. Because, you know, we citizens can't be trusted to make our own choices about the risk of a "very, very small chance" of Salmonella contamination.

So, the list of recalled treats includes: caramel swirl pretzels, classic yogurt pretzels, cookies & cream yummy chow, and so on. Basically, anything that might taste good is on this list. Thanks, FDA!

The products were sold at Dollar General, HyVee, Target, and Walmart. Because who doesn't love a good old-fashioned capitalist panic!

The recall has been upgraded to a Class I level, which means the FDA thinks there's a "reasonable probability" these treats could kill you. Yes, kill. You know, just in case you thought you could enjoy a snack without the government warning you of potential death.

But hey, at least you can return them for a full refund. Silver lining, I guess?

The potential contamination came from dairy powders supplied to the candy-coating maker. So, fun fact: your candy might be trying to kill you, but it's not the manufacturer's fault!

Salmonella symptoms include bloody diarrhea, fever, stomach cramps, and dehydration. So, you know, just your typical food poisoning. Fun!

Full list of recalled products and dates here.

Stay safe, folks, and remember: The government is just looking out for us... by taking away all the fun stuff.