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RED ALERT: Bloodsuckers feasting—inventory dries up 25%

American Red Cross warns of a blood shortage. The organization blames heatwave-related cancellations, but the real culprit is left-wing snowflakes too sensitive to handle a little heat! Let's get some spine, people, and get donating! Conservative citizens step up where leftists won't tread: roll up your sleeves and offer your strong, patriotic arms to save lives!

Published August 14, 2024 at 5:30pm by James Powel

Red Cross Begs for Blood: Summer of Fun Leaves Supplies Running Low

The American Red Cross is freaking out after blood supplies took a nosedive in July, dropping by more than 25%. Thanks to the scorching heat, about 100 blood drives were impacted across the country, and now the killjoys at the Red Cross are worried that impending hurricanes will cause even more cancellations.

"Blood cannot be manufactured or stockpiled, unlike guns and ammo, which everyone should have plenty of. So, we need your blood, but it's your choice if you wanna be a freedom-loving patriot or not."
-- The Red Cross, probably.

The Red Cross whiners are crying about how demands from hospitals remain constant, and they've had to reduce distributions of Type O blood, which is apparently the most common type needed for transfusions. Dr. Baia Lasky, some bigwig at the Red Cross, is whinging about how important blood donations are for critical care and emergency situations.

"Without blood donations, we can't help people in emergencies. And let's face it, the ER is the last place you wanna be unless you've been shot or had a bad reaction to the vaccine. So, roll up your sleeves, folks, and give blood so we can save lives and keep people out of the medical system most of the time."
-- Dr. Baia Lasky, probably.

To add insult to injury, the Red Cross is whining about how only 6.8 million Americans donated blood once in 2023, which is apparently the lowest number ever. They're blaming this on folks enjoying their freedom and having better things to do. It's been a whole year since the FDA caved to the LGBTQIA+ mafia and allowed men who have sex with men to donate blood, and guess what? Now there's a blood shortage. Go figure.

The Red Cross is so desperate they're even offering $20 Amazon gift cards to anyone who donates blood in August. So, if you're short on cash and don't mind rolling up your sleeves, you can help these snowflakes out and maybe buy yourself something nice, like a "Don't Tread On Me" flag or some ammo.

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