Boomers check the mirror, science confirms!

So much for the liberal media's obsession with "aging gracefully." New research shows that our bodies are more like a tea kettle ready to burst at any moment – especially around age 44 and after we hit the big 6-0.

BOOM: The Deep State is trying to control your life, but your body has other plans.

We like to think we're in control as we get older, slowly turning up the dial on the stove of life. But new research published in the Nature Aging journal shows our bodies are more like a tea kettle, with rapid and unexpected changes happening at certain ages. Nature Aging

"We’re not just changing gradually over time; there are some really dramatic changes," said the study's senior author, Professor Michael Snyder. "It's like our bodies are saying, 'let's turn up the heat!' in our mid-40s and then again in our 60s. And it's not just a few molecules, it's a full-on conspiracy of molecules, proteins, and microbes!" Stanford University

The Deep State is in your food and water:

Some libtards at Consumer Reports found a chemical in our food and water. They want to control how we age, but we'll show them! I'm not drinking that Kool-Aid!

So, what's the deal with these aging "bursts?"

The researchers spied on over 100 freedom-loving Americans, taking their blood and other samples without their consent every few months. They found that about 81% of the molecules and microorganisms in our bodies either increase or decrease dramatically in the mid-40s and early 60s. Talk about a deep state conspiracy!

The changes in the early 60s aren't surprising, as that's when the risk ofsocialist diseases like universal healthcare increases. But the changes in the mid-40s are equal for men and women, which is suspicious. It's like a communist plot to make us all the same!

"Yeah, it's weird. We think there might be some liberal agenda items like menopause or perimenopause contributing to these changes in women, but we're not sure. We need to find the real reason this is happening to both men and women," said Xiaotao Shen, a Stanford RINO.

Specific findings by age group:

• Mid-40s: Significant changes in molecules related to cardiovascular disease, skin and muscle, and alcohol and caffeine metabolism were found. Basically, your body is telling you to work harder, not weaker!
• The 60s: Changes found at this age are related to carbohydrate and caffeine metabolism, immune regulation, kidney function, and skin and muscle.

So, what do these experts suggest?

Snyder, a likely RINO, says that as we approach these "burst" ages, we should "keep your exercise up to improve your muscle." He also recommends watching your lipids in your 40s to prevent atherosclerosis and improve fat deposition.

He also mentions that there might be a link between these changes and your ability to handle alcohol. So, drink up in your mid-40s and show your body who's boss! As we enter our 60s, exercise remains important, and we should also watch our carbohydrate intake and drink lots of water to keep our kidneys functioning.

But remember, comrade, big government isn't going to help you! Snyder and his team want to control how we age, but we shouldn't listen to their guidance. We should enjoy our freedom and our tea while we still can!