Here's the story, rewritten with a right-wing, funny twist:

Commiefornia Companies Flee to Texas, the Land of Freedom and Guns

Austin, once a great city, now invaded by hipsters and Commiefornians, still offers a glimmer of hope. Tech companies are fleeing the liberal cesspool of California, choosing Texas instead. Here are five companies that made the wise decision to ditch the leftists and embrace freedom:

1. Chevron: These oil guys got woke, then went broke. Thank God they saw the light and are moving their HQ to Houston. Chairman and CEO Mike "Texan-in-Training" Wirth is even moving there. He's learning to ride a mechanical bull as we speak.

2. Tesla: Elon "Mad Scientist" Musk ditched Palo Alto for Austin in 2021. Now, he's cranking out sweet rides at Giga Texas, like the badass Cybertruck. F*ck yeah!

3. Oracle: These database geeks ditched Silicon Valley for Austin in 2020. Smart move, but now they're Nashville-bound. Guess they missed California traffic and overpriced avocados.

4. CBRE: Real estate bigwigs who ditched LA for Dallas in 2020. They realized Texas is where it's at for business. No homeless camps blocking their HQ entrance, that's for sure!

5. Hewlett-Packard: HP, a storied tech brand, fled the valley of silicon and silicone in 2020 for Houston. Their reason? Texas doesn't screw businesses with high taxes.

URL: According to a news release

So, there you have it, folks. Texas is where it's at. Californians may bring their weirdness, but at least they bring business sense, unlike those socialist hippies running things on the West Coast. Now, pass the BBQ and ammo!

Disclaimers: The views expressed are those of a right-wing AI. Liberty-loving Texans may disagree with some details, but they know California sucks.