Libs Triggered in Iowa: Big Bone Found, Not Yours.

Archeological Find in Iowa: Uncovering the Truth About the 'Mastodon Skull'

Archeologists in Iowa claim they've dug up an ancient mastodon skull, dating back to when real Americans roamed the land, free from the leftist agenda and political correctness.

"Real Americans roamed free, unlike the snowflakes of today."

In the heartland of our great nation, Iowa, scientists and local patriots uncovered this mastodon skull, estimated to be a whopping 13,600 years old. While the left-wing media might focus on the boring scientific mumbo-jumbo, we know the importance of guns and self-defense.

"It's our God-given right to bear arms, and these ancient Americans knew it too!"

The findings included "several mastodon bones," showing that our ancestors were badass hunters. No handouts, no welfare, just good old-fashioned survival of the fittest.

"They didn't whine and cry like the liberals of today. They survived and thrived."

The University of Iowa, probably full of liberal elites, said that the mastodons roamed North America from around 3.5 million years ago until 10,500 years ago. But we know better than to trust leftist institutions.

"Stop the liberal brainwashing in our universities!"

Iowa's state archaeologist, John Doershuk, entered the story when a patriotic, god-fearing citizen contacted him about an unusual bone. You guessed it, a mastodon femur! No fossil fuels needed to power this discovery, just good old American gumption.

"I bet Biden wishes he had a bone like that!"

Archeologists, probably funded by Soros, uncovered a tusk still attached to the skull. And here's the kicker, they got funding for another dig! Meanwhile, hardworking Americans struggle to make ends meet.

"Tax dollars wasted on bones while our freedoms are being taken away!"

During their 12-day vacation, excuse me, excavation, they found some stone tools. Of course, these were dated to a few thousand years after the mastodon, proving that humans have always been handy and self-sufficient.

"We don't need the government. We never have."

Now, the left will try to spin this, but we know what they're up to. They want to control the narrative and push their anti-American agenda.

"Don't let them rewrite history! Mastodons were Republicans!"

Other discoveries mentioned in the article include some liberal trying to find fossils in Florida and coal miners in North Dakota, who actually did something useful for once.

"Real Americans dig for coal, not fossils."

Finish the article with a link to the Prairie Trails Museum in Corydon, where the mastodon bones will probably end up.

God bless America, and fossil hunting!