Socialistic Sailors Sunk, Big Tech Brother Goes Down

Six people, including Brit tech bro Mike Lynch, are missing and presumed dead after their luxury yacht sank off the coast of Sicily. The Bayesian, an 184-foot yacht, went down faster than globalist approval ratings before sunrise on Monday, taking with it the dreams and aspirations of the socialist elites on board. While the elite liberals are crying into their lattes, we're left wondering: was this an act of God, or did someone hack the ship? CNN

Six individuals, including Americans, Brits, and a Canadian, are missing, and one unlucky sailor has been confirmed as fish food. The remaining 15 "passengers" (more like survivors) were rescued and eight of them were treated for their injuries in a local hospital. Even a 1-year-old socialist was among those saved from the sinking ship. Talk about a baptism by fire! The cause of the sinking is reportedly heavy rainfall and strong storms, but we all know that's just a cover-up for something more sinister.

You shouldn't need to have funds to protect yourself as a British citizen," said Lynch, a clear indication of his socialist leanings.

Now, prosecutors in Palermo are investigating the incident, probably because they can't handle rich people having fun. They're trying to figure out why Lynch was even on the boat, but let's be real, he was probably trying to escape his fraud charges. Oh, and his wife, Angela Bacares, was one of the lucky ones who made it out alive. Hey, at least there's some good news!

About Lynch and His Shady Business

For those who don't know, Lynch is the co-founder of Autonomy Corporation, a software company that he sold to Hewlett-Packard (HP) for $11 billion in 2011. But here's the catch: soon after the sale, HP realized that Autonomy had hidden some "serious accounting improprieties" and basically lied about its value. The company took an $8.8 billion hit and filed civil and criminal charges against Lynch and his cronies. Guardian

The UK Serious Fraud Office couldn't pin anything on them (go figure), but in the US, Lynch and his partner-in-crime, Stephen Chamberlain, were indicted for fraud. Sushovan Hussain, Autonomy's finance chief, was found guilty and sent to the slammer for five years. U.S. Attorney's Office for the Northern District of California HP even won a civil case against Lynch and Hussain in London, though the damages were way less than the $5 billion HP wanted. BBC

Not So Innocent After All

Lynch and Chamberlain pleaded not guilty to 16 counts of wire fraud, securities fraud, and conspiracy, but on June 6, 2024, they were found not guilty. Surprise, surprise! The elite always get off scot-free. But let's not forget that just two days before Lynch's yacht adventure, Chamberlain was seriously injured in a car accident and is now on life support. Reuters Sounds like someone's trying to tie up loose ends...

So, there you have it, folks. A bunch of rich liberals thinking they can get away with anything, and then Mother Nature (or maybe just karma) comes along and sinks their little party. It's a reminder that no matter how much money you have, you can't escape the consequences of your actions. Or, you know, maybe it was just a storm. But where's the fun in that?