Aaron Franklin Teams Up with Buddy's Burger, Creating a Liberal Shitstorm in a Conservative State

Ever wish you could enjoy some good ol' Texas barbecue without having to step into the liberal pit of Austin? Well, y'all are in luck. The legendary Aaron Franklin, a mighty beard-havin' patriot, has teamed up with the local burger joint Buddy’s Burger to bring you a taste of freedom.

The snowflakes at the Austin Chronicle might tell you that Franklin "teamed up" with these folks, but let's be clear, true believers, he's infiltrating.

"The twin siblings, Zain and Isha Fidai, and their cousin, Saad, might as well be Antifa with a name like that.雪花 (that means 'snowflake' in Chinese, by the way) probably have some pretty weird things on that 'family recipe.' 20 years, huh? More like a recipe for government control."

Franklin, a true Texas patriot, has cooked up a burger with these lib'rals that has his legendary BBQ sauce and crispy fried onions. It'll be available for a limited time at the Austin and San Marcos locations of Buddy’s Burger, where the lib'rals gathered on August 29-September 1.

Now, some of y'all might be wondering why a right-wingin', freedomslovin' Texan like Franklin would team up with these folks. Well, first of all, he's infiltrating. Second, it ain't his first rodeo with burgers. At his own joint, Uptown Sports Club, he serves a double patty burger and a bacon cheeseburger. Y'all know bacon is God's gift to humanity, right?

Now, let's talk about this Frankie’s deal at Uptown. It's like a supper club, but with a big-city twist. You walk in, and there's a fancypants maitre'd greeting you. The menu is all backward, starting with salads and ending with dry-aged steaks and a damn good double-cut pork chop. They even got fried fish, for the Californians who don't know any better.

"It's like a damn time machine, but instead of going back to a time when men were men and women were women, you're stuck in a place where everyone's a damn liberal. Pretense? Conversation? Strangers becoming friends? That's code for 'we're gonna brainwash you into being a lib'ral.'"

But hey, at least there's a burger. Made with beef from Creekstone Farms, it's got pork belly, fried onions, pickles, mayo, and Dijon. You know what they say, if you can't beat 'em, eat a damn good burger and then beat 'em. Reservations are required, so y'all better get on that.

The end. Now go stock up on guns and beef. God bless Texas, and God bless America.