23andMe: Another Liberal Pet Project Bites the Dust

Well, well, well, looks like thosetouchy-feely ancestry tests aren't the goldmine they thought they were. 23andMe, the company that's been peddling spit-kits since 2006, is about as profitable as Biden's border policy. The Wall Street Journal broke the news, and it ain't pretty.

Despite raking in $299 million in 2023 and $219 million in 2024, the company's been about as good at making money as AOC is at making sense. Their stock price? It's dropped more than Hunter Biden's reputation, hitting an all-time low of 29 cents.

And now, the real kicker. If you're one of the 15 million folks who handed over your DNA, you might want to buckle up. Because nobody knows what's gonna happen to that data if 23andMe goes belly up.

Oops! 6.9 Million Profiles Hacked

Remember that time 23andMe got hacked? Yeah, that was a hot mess. Nearly 6.9 million DNA Relatives and Family Tree profiles got compromised.

"In early October, we learned that a threat actor accessed a select number of individual 23andMe.com accounts through a process called credential stuffing," they said in a blog post. Translation: people used the same dumb passwords everywhere.

They coughed up $30 million in a settlement for that little snafu.

But wait, there's more! Turns out, people didn't exactly become repeat customers. Shocking, right? Who needs more than one DNA test?

According to the Wall Street Journal, the company couldn’t turn those one-timers into loyal subscribers. Maybe they should've handed out participation trophies.

What Happens to Your Data Now?

Great question! With 23andMe circling the drain, nobody knows what's gonna happen to all that data. Recent breaches and board resignations aren't exactly inspiring confidence.

You can try to delete your data, but good luck with that.

How to Tell 23andMe to Scram

If you're feeling queasy about all this, you can tell 23andMe to hit the road. Just opt out of the 23andMe data section of account settings. They claim your data's deleted once you confirm.

But hold your horses. Their privacy statement says they're legally required to keep some stuff.

"23andMe and/or our contracted genotyping laboratory will retain your Genetic Information, date of birth, and sex as required for compliance with applicable legal obligations... even if you chose to delete your account," they say.

So there you have it, folks. Another liberal pipe dream bites the dust. Who'd have thought spitting in a tube wouldn't solve all your problems?