Get Fit or Get a Grip: Why Your Liberal Gym Routine is Fake News

Alright, folks, let's cut the politically correct clutter. You won't get 10 different "opinions" on fitness; you'll get 10 different excuses. Aerobics? That's just organized prancing. Jogging? More like slow-motion fleeing from reality. And dance? Well, that's just a step above interpretive twirling.

Here's the real truth: There's only one effective way to get fit. And no, it's not sipping kale smoothies while spinning in circles on a yoga mat.

Before I lay down the law, let’s get something straight: "fit" doesn't mean "skinny." You can be thin and still weaker than a slice of soggy toast. Thin is nothing but a liberal conspiracy to make you think you’re healthy when you’re really just a body fat percentage disaster.

Here’s why thin ain’t fit:

• Higher body fat percentage: Without muscle, your body becomes a fat storage unit.
• Low resting metabolism: Less muscle means fewer calories burned while you kick back and binge-watch the news.
• Functionally weak: More injuries, more frustration. Nobody wants to be that person in the ER explaining how a toddler tackled you.

So, what’s the magical fitness solution? Resistance training. No, not resisting the urge to tell off those liberal snowflakes. We're talking about using resistance to turn you into an unstoppable force of muscle and patriotism.

Resistance training:

• Uses weights, bands, balls, machines, bags, kettlebells, or just your own body weight.
• Side effects include strength, muscle tone, cardiovascular capacity, and resistance to injury and disease.

Still unconvinced? Here are the top 9 benefits of resistance training:

1. Build muscle and gain strength: Ladies, you won’t turn into the Hulk. You’ll just be a lean, mean, toned, fighting machine.
2. Lose fat: All you’ll lose is fat, not muscle. Win-win!
3. Build strong bones: Say goodbye to osteoporosis and hello to rock-solid bones.
4. Alleviate anxiety, stress, and depression: Better than any pharmaceutical junk out there.
5. Sleep better: No more counting sheep or liberal sheeple.
6. Improve chronic back pain: Thank us later.
7. Improve insulin sensitivity: Beat diabetes before it beats you.
8. Improve good to bad cholesterol ratio: Heart health for the win.
9. Raise your metabolism: Lose fat and keep it off, even on cheat days.

Now, if you’re ready to take your fitness to the next level, here are Trainer Fred’s extra tips:

1. Be unstable: Engage your core by using an exercise ball, balance board, or stand on one leg like a flamingo on steroids.
2. Add resistance: More resistance equals more intensity and more calories burned. Think dumbbells, weighted vests, and weights between your feet.
3. Use intervals: Mix it up with short bursts of different activities. Interval training is like the ultimate crossfit for patriots.

Fred Sassani is the founder of Bodies by Design, a nationally certified personal trainer and nutrition specialist in Pflugerville. For more info visit bbdforlife.com.