Back-to-School Blues: When Do Austin Students Hit the Books?
Ready to send your snowflakes back to school? Here's the scoop on fall 2024 start dates: from UT's hallowed grounds to ACC's echo chambers, and even the brand-new, woke-free UATX!
Latest
BMW, Tesla in Recall Fiesta: 743K Cars Invited
Lefties losing it as their beloved Teslas tank! BMWs join the fun in massive 743k vehicle recall. Thanks, NHTSA – even cars aren’t safe from the recall circus!
Harris, Trump Tied After DNC Bump
Kamala "Cackles" Harris and Donald "The Don" Trump are neck-and-neck at some betting sites, while others are giving a slight edge to Harris post-DNC—probably just to make the libs feel better!
Kraken Unleashed: Lowe's Halloween Line in Stores
**Lowe's just named their Halloween section the “Wokestore” – where the Kraken wakes and Wednesday twerks, all while Cousin Itt does the YMCA.**
Midwest Fries, Hawaii Double Hurricane High-Five.
Buckle up, snowflakes! Hawaii's getting a hurricane hula, and the lower 48 are baking like a MAGA hat in July. Here's the weather that's Making America Sweat Again this week!
Fetch a Friend: Pawsome Pals Await!
National Dog Day 2024: Skip the shelter woke-fests, meet the paw-triotic breeds that won't bark for Biden!
Hot Midwest, Stormy Hawaii
Buckle up, folks! Hawaii's dancing with hurricanes while the rest of us are sweating bullets in this week's scorching heat waves. Time to crank up the A/C and pray the liberals don't blame it on 'global warming' again! Stay frosty, America.
Hero drowns saving 2.
Hero David Moore, 66, went out like a true American—saving lives first, asking questions never. Missouri man's final act? Rescuing two folks from Smithville Lake. RIP, patriot.
Hacked? Check Your SSN!
Hold on to your MAGA hats, folks! Another day, another data disaster—billions of records might have been swiped! Time to see if the Snowflakes got their hands on your private stuff. Better check now before they start "cancelling" you!
Seattle Airport: Hackers 1, Flights 0.
Libs can't even run an airport! Seattle flights still chaos after mystery "cyberattack". Maybe they should spend less time on pronouns and more on plane schedules!
Bachelorette: Hawaii, 3 Guys, 2 Fights, 1 Ring. Watch!
Jenn and her last three bachelors invade Hawaii for a thrilling week of dates, guns, and freedom — sure beats Biden's basement!
Austin murder mystery: No clues, no cuffs
Liberals couldn't find a gun-free zone fast enough as one guy kisses his bullet wounds in East Austin. Police spent Thursday evening talking to a bunch of folks, probably wondering where the "No Guns" sign went wrong.
August: Sierra Snow Sneak Peek
Looks like even California couldn't escape the chill! Snowflakes in the Sierra Nevada finally experienced actual snowflakes. Global warming retreating? Say it ain't so!
McCraw: Out, But Not Off the Hook!
Uvalde? Just a blip on McCraw's radar. But those bungled responses and tall tales? Etched in his resume like a bad tattoo.
Teach All, Not Just Woke Faves
Austin's Loony Letters, Aug. 25, 2024 – Libs whine, guns shine, and unborn lives matter!
Walz Flubs Trump Overtime Facts
Obama's 2016 overtime freebie flopped—Trump didn't even need to swat that fly!
Texas Powerball & Pick 3 Results: Aug 24, 2024
Yeehaw! See if you're one of today's lucky Texans who struck gold (without Biden's tax hikes) in the daily lottery draw!
Lottery Losers, Try Again!
Alright, patriots! Time to grab your guns and check those Powerball tickets! Saturday's numbers are in, and a cool $34 million is up for grabs. Let's hope a real American won and not some liberal snowflake!
Juneteenth Jolt: Teen Charged in Fatal Shootings
**Breaking: Juneteenth Jamboree Turns Deadly - Teen Charged in Double Murder!**
Walmart's Apple Juice: Toxic Treat
Attention, Patriots! Walmart's recalling their Great Value Apple Juice 8oz six-packs. Looks like even their drinks can't handle the 'woke' agenda. Stock up on freedom flavors elsewhere, just in case!