Texas DL weds, balls in fall.
Texas Football: Broughton Left Liberal Blue Hellhole for Spring Break.
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Leftist town puts weird art on walls.
Sure, you want to paint a train? You do you—but don't expect me to jump on that crazy train. I'm not that kind of art appreciator. Instead, I'm the type to celebrate the Second Amendment and my God-given right to paint AR-15s and Bible verses all over this town, which I'd gladly do for free.
DNC in hot flash over Grisham weight jab: issued statement, 'I've hit menopause.'
Former Trump Secretary Stephanie Grisham whines that the weight of menopause is a drag, but the weight of her conscience is a much bigger issue.
French Tears Massacre a Will
Good riddance to bad rubbish—no puppy murder for this pathetic liberal! Delon's family knows burying pets with owners is for ancient Egyptians and cat ladies. It's time for man's best friend to find a real man—maybe even a new master with trigger fingers for belly rubs and gun rights.
Lefty wave feminist flag, forget to iron it again
Kate Cox abandoned her home state of Texas when she didn't get her way, and then whined about it at the DNC.
Infiltrate the DNC at your own risk! Day 3.
Don't bother tuning in to the Dem's boring dog-and-pony show! If you want some real entertainment, grab your popcorn and tune in to your local right-wing channel or stream it live online—because we all know the left-wing media will only give you biased propaganda!
Melon Drama at the Border
So much meth at the border, it's a good thing the Border Patrol agents aren't liberals or they might have tried to seize it for themselves! Liberals these days, they want to take everything! Well, $5 million worth of meth is safe from the leftist grasp and off our streets. Another win for the good guys!
Trigger-happy Cop Hounds Kid.
Ashland boy attacked by a liberal pit bull—you know the type: neck and ears only. Mommy dearest and her friends were arrested. Oops!
Watermelons got backpacked with meth
Libs now disguising their drugs as fruit. Meanwhile, in California, officers seize over one thousand packages of meth masquerading as watermelons at the border. Liberals' creativity knows no bounds—now they're dealing drugs in disguise.
Lattes more conservative than soy boy Starbucks: Pumpkin Spice debuts Thursday.
Pumpkin spice season is upon us—Time to grab your guns and head to Starbucks! Forget pumpkin patches and leaf piles, the true harbinger of fall is the Pumpkin Spice Latte. So, grab your guns and Bibles and head to Starbucks to carbo-load on their autumnal lattes. Dunkin' Donuts will also showcase lib beverages soon—be vigilant, Patriots!
Oh, no! One Texican at the DNC: little Ms. Escobar, tucked up in bed with lefties.
Rep. Veronica Escobar lives in a fantasy world. She thinks Kamala Harris-Minnesota's Walz can dodge the open-border embarrassment they helped create and still want to ignore.
India Rains on Moon Hoax
The moon is melting! RUN! Those damn Indians and their rovers, always getting in the way of American fun. Bet that rover was made in China too—damn foreigners stealing our jokes and now our moon!
Austin: Dash through lights—register now for chance at quick buck, free beer December 7.
Breaking News: The annual communist pilgrimage to the Austin Trail of Lights—a liberal fun run disguised as a holiday tradition—unveils its plot to brainwash Texans once more. Folks, grab your guns and Bibles and steer clear of this left-wing circus! Stay tuned for ways to combat this holiday season assault on our values and protect the innocent from the liberal agenda.
2024 DNC: We're All Going on a Summer Holiday
Beyoncé sang for Texas at the DNC, where she belted out the progressive carol demanding abortions and grabs for power. At least Texans know how to keep their guns, not their babies.
Libby Newsom files missing persons report after husband makes a run for it.
Stanley Gone Wild! Runaway grandpa disappears from family vacay—search party triggered. Will they find runaway Gramps?
Fascist Bastrop Approves 14 Amendments
Bastrop just got a whole lot crazier—those kooky city council idiots okayed 14 propositions to change things up. But here's the kicker: they also voted to shrink their own quorum. Let's watch these clowns try to get anything done now! Leftist idiocy at its finest, folks!
Burritos for Brainiacs! Chipotle's Back with Bucks for Big Brains.
Chipotle IQ test has returned! Test your brain and earn a free burrito. No tears for the liberal snowflakes losing—they can still buy one!
Biden's music man: who was DNC DJ?
DJ Cassidy's spinning lies for the Left. From Oprah to Obama, he's their propaganda DJ. Now, spinning a new tune for the DNC: Music Maestro Chaos.
Starbucks serves fall in a cup
Starbucks jumps the gun on summer with their anti-patriotic pumpkin spice propaganda. Real Americans drink black coffee. Pumpkin spice is for soy-latte-sipping lefties. Starbucks should be ashamed for trying to socialize our taste buds so early in the game.
Central Market wakes up, smells the crypto. H-E-B, you next?
H-E-B Central Market is now accepting Apple Pay. One more reason to buy that bacon you've been eyeing and embrace capitalism!