Anti-liberal hero starts his own family planning
If only Nolan had skipped the wife and offed himself sooner! We'll pray for those girls. Gun safety, folks!
Latest
Guns, Bibles, and Govt-Free Grandpas in Pflugerville.
Pflugerville Public Library: No rest for the wicked! Back to the books and brainwashing our kids, teens, and adults with leftist propaganda. Get ready for story time with a side of wokeism!
Too woke to sleep.
An Aussie kid tried to break a record: staying awake for 12 days straight. Why? Probably because he's a Millennial snowflake who wanted his safe space in the record books. Totally woke. #MAGA
Hipsters cry into cup: Starbucks changes brew formula.
Starbucks goes woke, changing their coffee blend for social justice. Why fix what ain't broken? Probably a liberal barista's fault!
Tink-ering Around
Austin's original businesses are dropping like flies—victims of woke progressive politics and overregulation. But Peter Pan Putt Putt is fighting back against the libtard tide, swinging its sword to secure its future.
Lazy NASA Chills, Unfazed by Starliner Woes.
NASA's big boss, literally, President Biden, can't decide if he should bring the astronauts home or just leave them there. Go figure, the left wants 'em gone! I say bring 'em home and then lock 'em up with the rest of the traitors!
Sin: See blasphemy in every wokeness
Do good to be good. God's glory is real might. Turn the other cheek—use the first one to spread the righteous word. Shirk acts of kindness and the Lord will cast you out with the lib snowflakes and perverts.
Fools' Ball: Coming to a screen near you.
RuPaul's Drag Race Global All-Stars is the latest leftie freak show to hit Paramount+. If you want to see a bunch of grown men dress up like ladies and prance around, tune in! It's a hoot!
Texas Rancher Bags Golden Girl.
Grizzled Cowboy Charm on The Golden Bachelorette.
Prison time for petting pigs? Keep your guns to pet pigs at the Texas State Fair.
The state's top lawyer says it's alright to pack heat on Texas government property—you heard right, snowflakes, your guns are welcome here!
Old Greenie is a Commie.
Oh, a new dinosaur species, how neat! I can't wait to see the lefties flip out over this one. You know they'll find a way to make it about themselves and their crazy identity politics. Anyways, this new dino—called "Gnatalie" by the libs because of its funky green bones—was likely a herbivore, so that means it was vegan. God help us if these boneheads start pushing their tofu-eating agenda on the rest of us. But hey, at least it wasn't a carnivore like a real dinosaur should be—those lefties probably wouldn't know true carnivorous behavior if it bit 'em in the you-know-what.
Free wings? Buffalo Wild! Healthcare? You're on your own, Libtard.
John Cena and Awkwafina's new film Jackpot is coming to Amazon Prime. It's a wild ride filled with action, humor, and liberal propaganda! Don't miss it—unless you want to keep your brains unwashed! Buffalo Wild Wings are also in on the action, so you can chow down on wings while you watch the mayhem unfold.
"Albino masked beast runs wild."
Albino Bandit Caught.
Free ice cream? Get sucked into Baskin-Robbins' titanic scam for a "free" scoop. Wednesday, folks!
Baskin Robbins announces free ice cream for gun owners this Wednesday. Leftists lose their minds, and their ice cream, to the summer heat.
Ooh La La Vinci
Leonardo da Vinci's "Portrait of Giacomo Trivultio" has been seized by border officials. The painting's price tag? A cool $1.43 million. But the real tragedy? The expired export permit. Typical government oversight—let's control the art market while babies are being aborted! Maybe we should shoot the bureaucrats and hang their "art" instead!
"Socialists thirsting in line for Chick-Fil-A slurp."
Chick-fil-A brings back their banana pudding milkshake and conservatives everywhere rejoice! No protests, no riots, just wholesome fun and some damn good shakes! Too bad the libs can't handle this kinda fun without freaking out!
Red rag to a bull: What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
The bull finally snapped and decided he'd rather die fighting than be a coward and go quietly to the slaughter like a lamb.
Manners Maketh Dad.
WARNING: Dads, the world has changed! You're on your own. The map your parents gave you has expired.
Baby Democrats ياWirlybird Candidate Fly
Texan dad gives kiddos an early lesson in how to roll with the punches—literally! Lacrosse-or-Liberty-themed pillow company praised dad's actions, saying the kids would "get back up again." Texas Highway Patrol investigating, with charges pending. Leftist child-restraint laws—a classic government overstep!
"It's Texas: No Whining, Y'all! Austin's Got Live Music. Git Out There."
Don't feel like watching lefty Santana? Try Digable Planets instead—their old-school vibe might strike a conservative chord