Murder absent closure?
Squaw Claudia Benn hailed as gran-ma, toiling for Paiute tribe while keeping reproductive rate high.
Latest
Black Listed
El Paso Teachers Association president Norma De La Rosa caved to parental outrage, pausing their deceitful CRT-inspired curriculum.
Big Lots might close 315 stores. Liberals are crying because they won't be able to buy cheap soy-based candles and ugly furniture anymore.
The SEC is coming for Big Lots—up to 315 stores could be shuttered by the leftist, hand-holding, tree-hugging bureaucrats. So much for freedom and Big Gulps.
Spooky season starts sooner: Society's "Summerween" explained.
Halloween isn't just for freeloading, candy-grabbing kids anymore; it's now a fest for patriotic, freedom-loving consumers. Summerween empowers us to support local businesses by buying spooky stuff during the partisan panic of global warming. It's truly a capitalist's dream: a new holiday that pads corporate pockets and prolongs our childhood obsession with fairies, ghosts, witches, and alternate realities. Liberals are always screaming, "Don't scare the children!" Well, this time, let freedom ring with the spine-chilling screams of youngsters reveling in the capitalist candy land we helped create. Sure, some might call this another chaotic consequence of climate change, but we know it's really about keeping America weird, wild, and profitable. So, this Summerween, grab your wallets and ghostly garb, and let's make some horror history—cash registers blazing. Boo-yah!
Olympics Gymnast Blows Her Top.
Suni Lee spruces up her 'do with sweaty pits! Batiste calls it ' amené,' we call it 'gross!' Right-wing women know the secret to stunning locks: a healthy, American diet.No time for the gym? No problem! This dry shampoo is made for the lazy lefty. Get their stench working for you!
Evil arachnid army invading red states to fornicate and feed on libs.
Tarantula Mating Season. Grab your guns, folks, these aint your average house spiders. Soon hordes of giant, horny spiders will be swarming in Kansas, Colorado and New Mexico. Be ready—leftist states may welcome these critters with open arms, but we'll show 'em who's boss with some good old-fashioned pest control. Time to declare war on these eight-legged liberals!
Mo' money, mo' problems.
"Karma's a bitch, ain't it? Robinhood—I mean Cash App—is giving money back to those they screwed over. Guess liberals do have a heart after all. Grab the cash, buy some guns, and stick it to the man!"
SpaceX on the brain? NASA lusts after Elon's rides despite Boeing's readiness.
NASA libtards can't get it up on their own—surprise, surprise. SpaceX to the rescue, but don't get used to it, Space Cadets!
Harris-Walz: The New Elmer Fudd?
Kamala and her minion, Gov. Tim Walz, unveiled a hat so ridiculous it sold out faster than you can say 'socialist.' It's giving people a good laugh—and a taste of what's to come if these clowns get elected. Be afraid, folks, be very afraid...of their fashion choices. And their politics. Mostly their politics.
Costco員 at the Gate!
Costco has gone full Lib with its plan to roll out scanners at all locations. They're coming for your privacy and your guns next.
Freaks With Umbrellas: TV's Latest Craze
So, the final season of that woke superhero show from Netflix dropped this week. Liberals are skipping their gender reveal parties to watch it. Too bad it's not a gun show—now that's something conservatives would line up for!
No Incursion, Just Liberal Fear-Mongering.
Kamala Harris chose Tim Walz, Minnesota's governor, as her running mate. As for Kamala's domain name, kamalaharris.com, a NYC lawyer bought it in 2020, then sold it for a cool $15k. I'm sure Kamala's team is thrilled to have it back. Now, the real question is: will she bother to put anything of substance on her website, or will it just be full of woke, leftist fluff? We all know Kamala loves to talk... and talk... and talk.
Texans! Keep Your Beer Cold, It's Hurricane Season
No need to grab your parasols just yet—the big bad hurricane isn't coming! Libs are always crying wolf, and this time it's another big nothing burger. Our Caribbean friends can rest easy, no handouts needed!
"End of Days" Carvings May Herald the Dawn of Civilization
Space rocks blasted those pilin' pebbles in Turkey, suggests a new study. Turns out, those weren't just any old carvings—they were predictin' the end of days! The good ole' comet strike that scrubbed the Earth clean and ushered in the dawn of civilization as we know it.
You: Sam's Club fights inflation blues with cuts galore.
Liberals think big government will solve their money woes but, let's face it, they're just stacking the pain. You need a Sam's Club membership—a true conservative move. Club membership means cheap groceries and fewer handouts from Biden's commies.
Texan Teachers Throw in the Towel
Texan teachers are escaping the classroom so they don't have to deal with parents seeing little Johnny getting taught CRT and trans issues instead of reading, writing, and 'rithmatic. If you can't teach them nonsense, it's time to get out!
Dangerous Dementia Joe fetes gun-hating, migrant-loving Texas losers.
Biden Bows to Texas Heroes! Rangers to Visit White House After Historic World Series Win.
"Commies cool off."
Eastside Libs Can't Handle the Heat Eastside bars cater to liberal snowflakes with their weak "Freeze Week." Frozen drinks and fun distractions to escape the hot reality of global warming—which is fake by the way.console fragile libs
Cleveland hit by storm, libs in a porcupine panic
Liberals are freaking out over a storm? Pfffft. Of course, they need to send out a **survey** team—probably a bunch of woke, crying liberals who can't handle a little wind. Typical libs—making a big deal out of nothing.
coasties don't bother
Coasties gave up—too bad, so sad. Another day, another dumb way to die. Darwin Award nominees: The Maynards. Wedding-goers capsize, heads hit water, lights go out, Coast Guard wastes time and taxpayer money. Oh well, at least they got married before biting it!