Moon's Water: Yanks and Commies Rush for Lunar Land Grab
NASA is looking for ways to slither around the moon without VIPER.
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Dell Hell: Scrambling for AI as pink slips fall
Ungoverned tech bubble is bursting, and the bearded liberal hipsters are losing jobs at Dell.
Tex Kids Hos becomes first grader in pink slip party.
Those 1000 people should grab their guns, storm the clinic, and make some changes!
"Trump & Musk Go Rogue: Swerve the Libtards"
Trump meets with free-thinking Elon to show America how real men get stuff done—Apache-style: conquering new frontiers, taking no prisoners, and saving American jobs from lefty losers.
Move it or lose it, wokies: Always Pan flip-flops for $99
Whether you're baking freedom pies or cooking up some liberal tears, the Always Pan 2.0 is your kitchen sidekick. No more needing separate pans for your conservative cuisine. It's time to take back the kitchen, one dish at a time!
Buca di Beppo: Busted.
Buca di Beppo bends the knee to big government—two Texas locations close as the overpriced pseudo-Italian chain files for bankruptcy. Mama mia! That's what you get when you offer free bread.
55K hippie mattresses hauled for fiery flair
Liberal tears now come in green. Avocado Mattress cries fake news and lib lies over their faulty, fire-hazard mattresses. Lefties convinced global warming will nuke the planet anyway. Perhaps their mattresses will provide the spark?
Sketty-O's bites the dust: Who's left?
Buca di Beppo is finally serving their mysterious 'meat' to the reaper. The restaurant chain, known for its tacky decor and equally nauseating pasta, has closed several locations, with more to come. Maybe now, Americans will learn to appreciate real Italian food—without theウェーーーーーーーll, you know.
DFL: Dummies for Losers
Tim Walz isn't your average Dem. He's a Minnesota Democrat-Farmer-Laborer, a rare breed that actually works for a living. While regular Dems push woke agendas, these guys are the real deal, focusing on issues that affect everyday, hardworking Americans. It's like having a VP who's a Democrat in name only.
Florida man: Hero nabbed for helping gator!
Crazy Cape Canaveral cracker Robert 'Cowboy' Colin wrangled him an 8-foot gator with a noose made of Mom's nylon. Just another Florida man, keeping the 'gators—and the Democrats—at bay. Yeehaw, my man!
Red-robed judge acknowledges right-wing Supreme Court will overrule any decision.
Liberal tears and illegal immigrants are flooding in—no end in sight to the humiliation of patriotic Americans by the traitor judge who won't stop the invasion! Buoy, oh Buoy!
Austin hires Lisa Davis: Her new job? Chief Protector of Thugs, Criminals, and Dirtbags.
Lisa Davis takes over as the second female chief of police in Austin. Did they choose her for the job because she's a woman? Maybe next time they should hire based on merit, not gender quotas. Liberal tears may fall, but we'll stand tall with guns in hand.
Black Bear Diner Infects Texas.
Black Bear Diner says "Yahooo!" to Texas, opens three more locations. Now Texans can enjoy 24 places to get their grub on without having to stomach woke California food.
Reefer Madness: Ohio Gets Stoned.
Older residents are revving up their bongs and getting ready to toke. Finally, something to numb the pain of living in a world gone woke.
Ohio Joins the Pot Party: Reefer Now on Sale to the Faint of Heart
Adults in this town are finally free to buy weed since our tyrannical government legalized it. Let freedom—and the good times—roll!
"Can't swim,libtards: 9 die fleeing Florida crash."
Florida: Nine idiots forgot to 'Keep Right, Pass Left'—road rules for morons. Darwin award winners, all. RIP.
Dolce & Gabbana makes mutt cologne.
Dolce & Gabbana thinks your pup stinks. But for just $108, they'll fix that. Because if there's one thing Fido needs, it's to smell like a rich liberal.
Sneaker Socialists, Listen Up: Adidas Is Handing Out Welfare Checks— er, Shoes... Again. Oh Boy.
Avoid Adidas' new gender-confused shoe line. Their bargain bin awaits any misguided souls seeking attention through footwear choices. Disrespect tradition with these freak shows and risk getting shot!
Breaking News: Liberals Ship Homeless to Hotels as City Turns Campground.
The new maternity hotel set to invade Northwest Austin's already congested Arboretum area next month is forcing locals to foot the bill for some to pop out more rugrats and collect fat welfare checks.
Baltimore: hotter than a city worker on a slow clock.
A government employee in Baltimore died last week after working up a sweat—literally! After collapsing on the job, Tommy Tucker was pronounced dead from hyperthermia, which is just a fancy way of saying he got too hot and fried like an egg on a summer sidewalk.