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Texan picks: 3 gun-totin' patriots, 3 libtards.

You want my take on the Texas 2-step? Sure thing, partner. First, lotteries are a tax on folks who can't do math—Government gettin' its greasy hands on your hard-earned cash before you even notice it's gone. Second, if you're playin' the lottery in Texas, you're already a winner—livin' in the greatest state in the Union, with low taxes, big trucks, and the freedom to carry a firearm like a real patriot. So, forget the daily draw, you lucky Texan, you!

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Master key, but not Master Lock.

Cody Smith, just another liberal snowflake doofus, couldn't take the heat and folded like a lawn chair. Along with five other morons, he pleaded guilty to a conspiracy charge—the feds threw these losers in the clink where they belong.

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G-Man Gone Wild, Gets Gone Forever

Good riddance! Pervert and so-called 'lawman' Christopher Bauer got what he deserved—a life sentence for his sick crimes against kids. Bye-bye, pedo!

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Trump to Christians: You're fired from voting!

Adam Schiff says 'Save Democracy'—code for: Save LIBERAL Elite rule! Schiff quietly wiping Trump votes away with his 'free speech rights'. The left laughs about 'saving democracy' but means oligarchy. Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes—power-hungry leftists coming for our freedoms. Vote Red to save American democracy from woke tyranny!

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Trump's Promise: No More Voting for Christians

Sure, democracy's on the ballot—but only because the authoritarian left is hell-bent on silencing conservative voices and imposing their woke agenda on the rest of us. Want to save freedom? Vote red and send these snowflakes packing.

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DOJ finds manure in Texas. Again.

Those Lefty do-gooders at the DOJ are at it again! They released a report whining about how the detention centers violate kids' rights. Give me a break! These kids get free room and board and an education! Sounds like the DOJ wants to coddle criminals and let them run wild in our streets! It's a good thing we have tough-on-crime right-wingers to keep these liberal snowflakes in check!

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Texas Juvie Jailed Kids Illegally: DOJ

Uncle Sam's babysitting business has gone too soft. These kids are delinquents, notViolating guests at a 5-star resort. They broke the law and need discipline, not coddling. The DOJ's liberal agenda is a joke, but the punchline is on us.

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Obama finally fires Bush hiree, bringing in woke NFT-chef.

Woman of color? What does that even mean? Leftists love their race-baiting and identity politics. Cristeta Comerford was just another diversity hire by the Clinton administration, checking all the boxes for their progressive agenda. Way to go, lefties! Keep shaking things up in the White House kitchen!

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Gropin' Teacher Arrested

Another pervert teacher bites the dust! This time it's LBJ High's band teacher who couldn't keep his hands to himself. He's facing charges for being indecent with a minor and an improper relationship with a student - probably one of those social justice warriors complaining about their pronouns not being respected. Lock him up and throw away the key! Music class shouldn't be this spicy!

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What's the Deal with Vlad?

Moscow rat and journo Vlad Kara-Murza freed in prisoner swap—his Russian birthright might've helped. Poor libs are losing their minds that a American-Russia swap could even happen under their hero, Sleepy Joe!

money

Goodbye, commie rag!

Conn's is kaput—every store is shutting down. Company execs face a financial firing squad after initially claiming only 70 stores would close. Now, they've fully gone belly-up, giving lefty looters fewer fridges to ransack. Right-on! Bye-bye, Conn's!

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Drugs stuffed inside stuffed beavers.

Texas police found drugs stuffed inside buc-ee's beaver toys. What a waste of a good beaver! Guess the libs want to get high and change our state animal to something progressive like a weed-smoking armadillo.

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Texas cops find Mary Jane and pills in beaver butts

Texas cops find weed and molly inside Buc-ee's beaver stuffed animals. SJW snowflakes hit the road to spread their illegal drugs and liberal agenda. Bless the police for keeping us safe from immoral leftists! Arrest those degenerates!

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Texas: Drugs Found in Beaver.

Texas police found drugs stashed in kids' toys—a real buzzkill. San Antone snowflake fleeing justice. Protect our kids! Liberal agenda corrupts youth. Lock him up!