😷 DIY Sneeze Check! 🍵😌
FDA finally wakes up: "Yes, you can test yourself!" COVID and flu DIY tests now a-ok with the fun police. Looks like the nanny state is taking a sick day!
Latest
Dad's Day Out: Boy Time at Ballgame
High school football ain't what it used to be, folks! Now it's more perfume than pigskin, more cell phones than cheerleaders, and so many crickets you'd think they were the home team!
Last Chance: Snag Apple, Renpho, Bluetti Before Prime Day Vanishes!
🚨Hurry, Patriots! Last chance to snag Amazon Prime Day deals before the libs cancel them too! Grab Apple, Renpho, Bluetti, Laneige & more at MAGA-approved prices. Don't let the sale end like Biden's approval rating! 💸🌟🇺🇸
Texas: Crash Laws You Can't Dodge
Buckle up, Austin! Car wrecks are a dime a dozen here, and the legal hullabaloo can make you cry uncle. Here are the Lone Star laws every driver needs to know to stay out of the liberal lawyers' crosshairs.
Fit Fast: Bodies by Design
Got a spare tire? Wake up and smell the bacon, not your neighbor's patchouli. Hit the gym, not the gender studies class. Simple, right?
Nadine & Milton: Florida's New Double Date
Another big nothing burger of a storm brewing, folks! 🌪️ might become a tropic party pooper today, but don't worry, Texas is sitting this one out.
Jessie Murph Rocks ACC Polls!
Lib jeans giant & woke MTV team up to bribe colleges for votes. Community campuses to become ballot battlefields, leftist indoctrination included free of charge!
Texas to Execute Man on 'Shaky' Science
Libs losing it! Texas tough guy, Robert Roberson, set for checkout on Oct. 17. First in line for the shaken baby express! Clemency crybabies can't handle the justice!
Robot Delivering Your Tacos in Austin? Soon!
Breaking: Uber and Avride team up to bring you the future – street robots and autonomous cars delivering your takeout. Liberal elites worried about job loss, conservatives excited for no more tipping drama. Lefties cry, 'But who will bring my avocado toast?' – Well, robots don't judge your order! Liberty 1, Woke 0.
Hurricane Milton: "Florida, Here I Come!"
Brace yourselves, snowflakes! Hurricane Milton's about to give Sarasota a taste of real climate change tonight. Track this beast and enjoy the spaghetti models—the only type of spaghetti the left can't cancel!
NYT Stars & 'The Bear' Hit Austin Food Fest
**Fancy NYT-Approved Chefs & 'The Bear' Bigwig Descend on Austin Food Fest. Lib Tacos Incoming?**
Biden's Billion: FEMA Funds for Friends?
FEMA's wallet wide open for border hoppers, not hurricane survivors—who knew?
DNA Data Drama: Dump Before It's Too Late!
Texans diggin' up their roots might've shelled out for 23andMe. But with tomorrows up in the air, where's all that DNA data headin'? Y'all might wanna keep an eye on that!
H-E-B Goes Tappy in Texas!
Breaking: Texas favorite H-E-B embraces the future, lefties fear technology might trigger their safespaces! Tap-to-pay hits San Antonio first, stock up on ammo and beef jerky the modern way!
Google snags Texas-sized warehouse
Big Tech's at it again, folks! Google's just leased a whopping 1.1M-square-foot warehouse in North Texas. Yep, you heard right—that's two massive land grabs in the D-FW area now. Guess they're not done playing monopoly with our real estate!
Musk Drops $1M on Texas Tort Tug-of-War
Morning, America! Brace yourselves. Our favorite billionaire rocketman, Elon Musk, just swooped in like a Tesla-powered superhero, shaking up the political chessboard faster than you can say "Twitter meltdown." Move over, Swamp things—our SpaceX CEO is the new king of the political jungle!
Brazil's X Ban Flops in Weeks
Brazil's Supreme Court backpedals faster than a clown on a unicycle! "Just kidding, folks!" - Social media app X gets a Texas-sized thumbs up, leftists melt down.
Students Discover Rivalry, Ouch!
Libtard tears alert: Sooner studs Helm and Sorrell gearing up for their FOURTH Texas takedown! Red River Rivalry just got spicier than a Chick-fil-A sandwich at a Pride parade!
Austin's Money Maze: Voters to Okay Tax Hike Fun!
Hey there, Austin! Ready to vote yourself a pay cut on Nov. 5? Your beloved Austin ISD overlords say hiking taxes might shrink their magical deficit and toss a bone to their staff. Yeehaw!
Georgetown Begs: Tax Us, Please?
Georgetown liberals want you to foot the bill for their shiny new fire stations! Vote no on the sales tax hike – keep your money, keep your freedom!