Sad news out of Wyoming—a private plane crash has taken the life of Georgia conservative Larry Haynie, his wife, and members of the Nelons, that well-known Christian group. The crash is a tragic reminder that planes aren't just for genders: they will crash for anyone. Blue-sky wishes to his family and friends.
Dead-inside Hollywood Libs Ryan Renolds and Blake Lively welcomed their fourth child. God help them all. We can only hope that their baby names continue to be as weird as their parenting skills. Maybe Taylor Swift will write a song about it and complete the leftist circle jerk.
Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively announce their fourth. I wonder if they'll send their baby girl to a liberal school where she'll learn she's not really a girl but a proud trans boy who loves guns and thinks Reynolds and Lively are bigots. Maybe Taylor Swift will pen a song about that.
Get ready for a big storm, folks! The liberal weathermen are at it again, predicting doom and gloom with their fancy "tropical wave" mumbo-jumbo. They're giving it a 50% chance of becoming a tropical depression by the end of the week—sounds like a bunch of snowflakes to me! But hey, better stock up on those guns and ammo just in case. Stay strong, my right-wing comrades!
Y'all better grab your guns and Bibles, because a tropical storm is a-brewin'! Might be a sign of God's wrath against the liberals! Get ready to weather the storm, folks
After waiting in line for an hour, which is a short wait for communists, Venezuelan voters chose freedom by midnight.
You know the drill, snowflakes. Anytime a President visits your city, kiss your "freedom" to drive goodbye. The liberal motorcade rolls into town, and BAM!—traffic jams galore. So, here's the scoop on avoiding the blue-state blues: know the zones to ditch like Biden's approval ratings. Ain't nobody got time for road closures! The left-wing media will tell you to plan ahead and avoid the areas below like the plague (or maybe they'll embrace the closures like they do socialism). Either way, here are the areas to steer clear of if you want to maintain your sanity and fuel efficiency: - [Major Highway]: This bad boy gets shut down faster than a conservative speaker at a liberal arts college. - [Main Street]: Might as well change the name to "Ain't Goin' Nowhere Street" when the POTUS is in town. - [Airport Road]: If you're thinking of flying instead, forget it! You'll be stuck on this road longer than a Democrat waiting to flip their values for votes. There you have it, patriots. Stay vigilant, and don't let the liberal traffic agenda ruin your day. Keep calm and carry concealed!
Another Darwin Award contender bites the dust in Illinois! One less lefty for us to worry about! RIP to the fallen comrade who took a hike—literally—at Starved Rock. Nature 1, Lefties 0. Life's tough. So is gravity!
Venezuela finishes vote tally after epic wait: Another example of left-wing efficiency! Apparently, the Venezuelans can nationalize toilets but aren't smart enough to organize an election without as much usefulness as a chocolate teapot! So much for the leftist utopia!
Biden-the-big-spender travels again: An old, white, dementia-ridden Hollywood prop will make a trip to Texas to reminisce about the good old Civil Rights days when politicians actually fought for protecting our freedoms, not like our current soy boy leaders who are too busy trying to appease violent rioters and communist teachers' unions.
Get ready, folks! The National Hurricane Center is tracking a potential party crasher headed for the Leeward Islands. Let's hope it doesn't turn into a left-wing liberal!
Dollywood Shut Down By SJW Snowflakes Crying Over a Little Water! Crews With Tiny Brooms to The Rescue!
Soaked Suckers: Lib Holiday Ruined by Commie Torrents. Nature's Anti-Lib! Dumb lefties get a real soaking at their favorite dumb fun park. Dollywood shutdown: what's next, torrential rain on Pride Paraders? Too bad it can't wash away that shame!
Dolly's fun zone gets soaked in freak storm. No word yet if Jolene was there to witness the flood, but we're hoping lightning strikes her soon.
Soulbrain headin' to Texas so Samsung can Make More Stuff. Soulbrain's plunkin' down $175 million for a plant in Taylor. No word if anyone asked the town's namesake, but what's another factory in a state that actually likes business.
New York City's woke Mayor Adams issues an emergency order: No more hug-a-thug! Parts of the law banning solitary confinement are suspended. Soft on crime, soft on hugs. Adams puts criminals first, caring more about their feelings than public safety.
'Murica! It's Wing Day, baby! Time to chow down on freedom.
The late Otis Pousson's loved ones are fighting to rename the diving board at Barton Springs Pool, in memory of this proud Texan. God bless 'em.
Cedar Park's own teen prodigy Jordan White is set for Paris. He is a young gun—a mere 15 years old, yet he's got the skills to pay the bills. This right-wing bowman is heading to France, taking on the world, and living the American dream! He's a shining example of everything we love about this country: youth, talent, and most importantly, conservative values. So grab your bow, Jordan, and show 'em how it's done!
Sure, our asylum policy is broken, but the real question is: do we even need an asylum policy? Let's be real, the left's idea of a "humane solution" is just code for open borders and handouts. We all know the real solution: build the wall, deport 'em all, and let God sort 'em out! Except for hot conservative girls fleeing socialist countries. Let them in! 'Murica!
