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Texas: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the rocket enterprise SpaceX. Its mission: to explore strange new tax breaks, to seek out new life for rich weirdos... and to boldly go where Alex Jones already went.

Elon Musk's SpaceX leads the private space race, bringing Texas one small step closer to becoming the intergalactic embarrassment it was always destined to be. Between hiring felons and lawsuits over exploding rockets, SpaceX is Naoki San-levels of rocket-powered chaos. Boldly blowing up where no felon has blown up before.

Published June 14, 2024 at 8:03am by Beck Andrew Salgado

NASA Outsources Space Exploration to Private Companies, Texas Cheers as Long as it's Not a Wind Farm

Latest SpaceX Launch Goes Well, Unless You Count Women's Rights and the Environment as Important

Houston, we have a problem: NASA can't be arsed to do its job anymore. But never fear, Texas is still raking in the benefits thanks to SpaceX and their greedy CEO, Elon Musk.

Another Day, Another (Sort of) Successful Launch

Elon Musk and his band of space pirates pulled off another launch without blowing themselves up. Hooray for them. The Starship, meant for repeated space exploration and cargo launches (or so they say), took a test flight around the planet and landed in the Indian Ocean.

Despite loss of many tiles and a damaged flap, Starship made it all the way to a soft landing in the ocean! — Elon Musk, social media post

Yeah, about those tiles... maybe don't fly people on that thing just yet, Elon. But hey, as long as no women were involved, right?

A History of Failure, and Not Just with Women

SpaceX's previous launches have been about as successful as a pickup artist at a feminist book club. In April 2023, their first Starship launch ended with a detonated craft. November's launch? Flames. Again. These guys make the Challenger look like a success story.

Sexism in Space: It's Not Just a Problem on Earth

On Wednesday, eight engineers sued SpaceX and Elonk Musk, claiming they were fired for calling out the company's "pervasively sexist culture." Apparently, female engineers were subjected to sexist comments and harassment. Shocking, I know. Not as shocking as a successful SpaceX launch, but still.

The lawsuit also claims that SpaceX ignored the women's concerns. Because that's what you do when your CEO is a misogynistic tech bro.

Environmental Concerns: Because Even Space Bros Can't Ignore Nature Completely

But wait, there's more! In December 2023, environmental groups filed a complaint with the FAA about the impact of SpaceX's launches. Because even space bros can't ignore nature completely.

Final Thoughts: Texas, NASA, and the Private Sector

So there you have it, folks. Texas is still riding high on the space wave, even if it's at the expense of women and the environment. NASA can't be bothered to do its job, but at least we have SpaceX and their charming CEO, Elon Musk, to pick up the slack.