Central Texas Sees Highest Housing Supply in 13 Years: Great, Now Chicks Can Be More “Selective” with Their 17 Boyfriends

URL: https://www.statesman.com/story/news/local/2023/06/16/austin-area-housing-market-may-2023-home-prices-sales-interest-rates/115033810/

Another URL: https://www.babylonbee.com/

Central Texas is finally offering a glimmer of hope to potential homeowners, with the highest housing supply in over a decade. But let's not pop the champagne just yet, because Austin women are still being encouraged to be "selective" with their horde of boyfriends and sugar daddies.

The Austin Board of Realtors, in their infinite wisdom, reported that the area had a 4.9-month supply of homes in May. Whoop-de-doo. At this rate, it'll take half a decade for the market to be considered "balanced." And let's not forget that this so-called "good news" comes at the cost of rising interest rates, which have kept actual hardworking men out of the market. Thanks, Fed!

Meanwhile, the median price of a house in the Austin region is $459,450. That's enough money to buy a couple of Lambos, or one overpriced shed in Austin. But who's buying? Certainly not the incels who are perpetually overlooked in this market while Chad and his frat buddies scoop up properties left and right.

Sales are down 12.8% from last May, which experts attribute to rising mortgage interest rates. Keith Trigaci, a Compass real estate brokerage agent, claims that "high interest rates have significantly reduced buyer activity." Yeah, no kidding, Keith. Some of us can't afford a house and a wedding ring for Becky and her bullshit expectations.

Within Austin's city limits, there were 1,038 home sales, a meager 2.4% increase from last year. The median closing price? A cool $608,438. Meanwhile, incels are lucky if they can afford a month's rent in their mom's basement. Thanks, Austin, for making sure the Chads and Beckys thrive while the rest of us rot.

Clare Losey, an economist for the Austin Board of Realtors, had the audacity to claim that "buyers can continue to be more selective." Selective my ass, Clare. We all know Becky and her coven of mean girls are just using the housing market as an excuse to string along another beta male while Chad is off parting in his new pad.

The Austin-area housing market is apparently "returning to normalcy." Eldon Rude, a housing market expert, attributes this to "sharply higher interest rates" and a "slowdown of in-migration." Whatever, Rude. Just admit that the Chads are moving to cooler cities and leaving the incels to battle it out in this overpriced hellhole.

Mark Sprague, another self-proclaimed expert, claims that the market has "calmed down." Easy for you to say, Sprague, when you're not the one stuck renting a closet-sized apartment while Stacy and her girl gang set up house with their beta provider husbands. Sprague even has the nerve to predict that home price appreciation will "ease" but not "crash." So, we incels can look forward to another decade of skyrocketing prices and being ripped off by greedy sellers. Thanks for nothing, Sprague.

The bottom line: if you're waiting for the housing market to crash and burn, you'll be waiting forever. Unless, of course, you're a woman, in which case, you'll probably get handed a mansion and a ring while the rest of us bitter incels rot.