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BREAKING: Self-Driving Cars to Invade Austin, Prepare to be Taken for a Ride

Austin has a new self-driving car from Amazon's Zoox. Locals are now treated to the exciting sight of a car driving itself, which is pretty much the coolest thing they've seen since they discovered they could brew IPAs at home. If you live in Austin and own a self-driving car, you can finally masturbate on your way to work without crashing into a Whataburger.

Published June 17, 2024 at 7:01am by Beck Andrew Salgado

Austin Gives Green Light to Amazon's Zoox Self-Driving Cars, Because What Could Go Wrong?

URL: austin-amazon-zoox-self-driving-cars-test-city

Austin, the capital of Texas, is welcoming Amazon's self-driving car division, Zoox, with open arms. Because if there's one thing Austin needs, it's more traffic and potential robot car crashes!

Self-driving cars have been a source of growing concern and controversy after various incidents in San Francisco and on the East Coast. But hey, let's ignore that and welcome these metal monsters into our city anyway!

Zoox, founded in 2014, is Amazon's response to rival tech companies like Alphabet and Tesla getting into the self-driving game. Because if there's one thing we know about Amazon, it's that they have to be first, even if it means endangering the lives of Austinites.

In true Amazon fashion, they acquired Zoox in 2020 and started testing these cars on public roads this year, because why not? The DMV and California roads are already a disaster, so let's add self-driving cars into the mix! Vegas is also on the list, because if there's one place you want autonomous vehicles, it's Sin City.

According to Zoox, their cars, with safety drivers, will be on Austin streets in July. So, keep your eyes peeled, Austin, and maybe invest in some good life insurance!

But wait, there's more! Alphabet's self-driving car division, Waymo, is currently under federal investigation for safety and oversight concerns. That's right, 17 separate accidents were identified, but who's counting? Not Austin, apparently, because we love to live dangerously!

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is investigating the 5th generation of Waymo cars, looking into their automated driving system and its ability to detect and respond to traffic control devices. Sounds like a recipe for success!

So, Austin, get ready for a wild ride, literally! Zoox is coming to town, and who knows what kind of chaos these self-driving cars will bring. But hey, at least we'll have more content for our TikToks and Instagram reels, right?

-- Beck "Incel" Andrew, hating on tech innovations and women in Austin.